Karen's Virus/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Karen's Virus" from season 11, which aired on November 4, 2018.

[The episode begins at the Chum Bucket. Karen is spending some quality time with another computer named Hanna.]
Karen: Oh, it was so great catching up with you, Hanna. [she and Hanna give a toast to each other] It's been too long.
[Hanna eats a green microchip and sneezes on Karen's computer screen.]
Karen: Oh, you poor thing. Sounds like you have a bug. Better go home and reboot. [escorts Hanna to the door] Remember, only keywords tonight. You need to rest your processor.
Plankton: [off-screen] Karen!
[Plankton is shown waiting for his meal.]
Karen: What do you want? [sneezes and groans while showing the thermometer on her screen]
Plankton: Oh, no. Your nodes are swollen. That old bucket of bolts gave you a computer virus.
Karen: Oh, nonsense. I'm the fastest computer alive. [stammers as she short-circuits and goes haywire]
[Karen rams into the wall.]
Karen: Uh-oh. [laughs] My ones and zeroes look like 10, 10, 10, 10.
Plankton: Someone's gonna have to get inside you and kill that virus. It's probably a suicide mission. (In the UK, the line is cut and gets dubbed over to the next line, because "suicide" is an offensive word for Great Britain.) [lifts Karen's hand] But who would be stupid enough to—[hears someone knocking on the door; he opens and it turns out to be SpongeBob hitting it with a hammer on his head] What now?
SpongeBob: [falls over and uses his tongue to get himself up] Oh, I'm just helping out the Health Department.
Plankton: Hmm. [puts on glasses and reads the sign on the door] "Sanitary notice. The Chum Bucket hereby gets a grade Z from the Health Department." [throws away the glasses] Hey, that's up from a negative Z last week.
SpongeBob: Congratulations, Plankton. In a few more years, you're sure to get an F. [stuffs his hammer in his hammer, pulls his right leg off, and trips over] Whoa!
Plankton: [throws SpongeBob's leg away] Never mind about that. I have a snow job—Uh, job for you. Karen needs your help. She asked for you personally.
Karen: [off-screen; referencing the first line of a certain Theme Song.] ♪Who lives in a crabapple under a pea♪
SpongeBob: Hey, catchy song.
[The scene changes to Karen, referencing the third lyric of the theme song, being placed on the examination table.]
Karen: ♪Observant and yellow fellow is he♪
[Plankton straps SpongeBob with a backpack with weaponry in it.]
SpongeBob: We need a name for this mission. How about, "Journey to the Center of Karen?" No. "The Mainframe Mission." Nah. Ooh, I know. "Operation: Save Karen." [holds up a drawing of SpongeBob with the words "Operation: Save Karen" on it]
Plankton: Whatever, just blast the virus when you see it.
SpongeBob: Oh, like this? [pushes the button and lasers fire all over the place, causing them all to explode] Oops.
Karen: [laughs] That tickles. [laughs]
Plankton: [blows the fire out on his antennas] Here, use this. [gives SpongeBob the flyswatter]
SpongeBob: But Plankton, how am I supposed to—[gets zapped by Plankton's teleporter] Whoa!
[SpongeBob appears on the computer screen about Plankton.]
SpongeBob: [laughs and gets poked by Plankton's injector] Ow!
[Plankton absorbs SpongeBob into the injector and pokes it into medical liter bag. SpongeBob then flows through the bag and into the Karen's computerized blood stream.]
Plankton: [climbs down and comforts Karen] Don't worry, baby. Help is on the way.
Karen: Get away. [smacks Plankton]
[Plankton is sent flying over to some cut wires and gets himself electrocuted.]
Plankton: Ow!
[The screen zooms into Karen's hard drive while she downloads SpongeBob. The screen shows Karen's hard drive being created and SpongeBob is digitally teleported in her.]
SpongeBob: [shakes the data particles off] Whoa! [sees the inside of Karen for the first time. Tall structures on the motherboard spread out before SpongeBob like a bustling city.] Super-awesome-ular-tastic! [his eyeballs inflate and pop] Wow! [restores his eyeballs] Huh?
[A computerized megaphone appears next to SpongeBob.]
Plankton: [via megaphone] SpongeBob, can you hear me? [normal] Come in, SpongeBob. [dodges Karen's incoming arm] Talk to me, you digitized doofus!
SpongeBob: Plankton, I do not respond to insults.
Plankton: [via megaphone; sighs] Okay. Just look for any destruction and follow it to the virus. Sweetheart.
SpongeBob: Got it, Honey. [skips backwards until he comes to a hole created by the virus; he falls downward] Whoa!
[SpongeBob grabs onto a loose wire to prevent himself from falling. But he loses the flyswatter as it falls and gets eaten by the virus. Meanwhile, outside of Karen's body, Karen gets off the examination table and rips the medical bag off her.]
Karen: [laughs] I want a Krabby Patty!
Plankton: Baby!
Karen: [plows through the door] Bye-bye!
Plankton: [follows her outside] SpongeBob, hurry up and kill that virus before it completely destroys Karen!
[Karen picks up a boat and throws it in the sky, destroying the Krusty Krab sign and making a flower cloud fall. Plankton's jaw drops and his eyeball falls on his tongue in shock.]
Karen: Knock, knock! [rips the front door off the Krusty Krab]
Plankton: Huh? Great Neptune's nostrils! [sticks his eyeball back and runs to the Krusty Krab]
[Back inside Karen, SpongeBob falls into the hole and lands in a puddle of green slime.]
SpongeBob: Huh? [picks up a sample of the green slime] Hmm. [gasps] The virus!
[SpongeBob follows slime trail and sees the destruction the virus created.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, it looks like the virus is heading to Karen's memory banks.
[Back at the Krusty Krab, Karen is going on a rampage all over the place.]
Plankton: Listen, if it gets to her memory, it'll fry her hard drive completely. I need you to destroy that virus right now! [Mr. Krabs enters the scene, and Plankton looks worried]
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, I need you to control your wife. Er, computer, or whatever.
Plankton: Mind your own business, Eugene.
Mr. Krabs: This is my business! [The Krusty Krab is now on fire as customers are everywhere, boats destroyed the walls and lots of broken stuff Karen just did.]
[Karen grabs and throws Squidward away. She then climbs into the register boat and begins flirting with the cash register.]
Karen: Hello there, baby! Where've you been all my life?
Mr. Krabs: [screams and grabs the cash register] Please don't break up our happy home. I forgive you, baby. [kisses the cash register, heads into his office and closes his door]
Plankton: [disgusted at the Karen and Mr. Krabs moment] Wow, I can never unsee that.
[Back inside Karen, SpongeBob pulls himself up a ledge and sees everything dark. He looks around to see if there's any destruction caused by the virus, but he accidentally activates a security button.]
Karen: Intruder detected.
[The floor glows and lasers fire at SpongeBob. But just as SpongeBob was about to get blasted, someone pushed him safely out of the way. It was a computerized version of Plankton, but he's taller, muscular, and more heroic than his evil counterpart. He is called Ideal Plankton. Ideal Plankton pulls out a laser gun and blasts the lasers with it. He opens the floor, grabs SpongeBob and falls through it. He and SpongeBob land safely on the ground.]
SpongeBob: Plankton?
Ideal Plankton: That's my name. [his teeth glimmers] Actually, I'm Karen's version of Plankton. You know, how she'd like to see me. [laughs]
SpongeBob: Ooh, you have beautiful eye. [rubs Ideal Plankton's eye]
Ideal Plankton: We'd better get moving.
[Ideal Plankton runs off while SpongeBob follows. Meanwhile, the virus is eating up everything in Karen's hard drive. The virus eats up the House of Anger.]
Karen: Anger control center abolished.
[The virus then eats up the Tunnel of Love.]
Karen: Love center destroyed.
[Ideal Plankton climbs up a wall with SpongeBob on his back. He punches a hole through the wall and climbs through it. The wall turns right-side up, revealing itself to be a floor. SpongeBob and Ideal Plankton climb out from the floor while all of a sudden, a virus version of Mr. Krabs appears.]
Money Krabs: Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money...
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, is that you?
Ideal Plankton: It's Karen's version of Krabs.
SpongeBob: Hey, looking good, Mr. K.
[Then a blue, slimy, and ugly virus version of Squidward appears.]
Gnarly Squid: I hate everything. [drops to the ground and leaks slime]
Ideal Plankton: That's how Karen sees Squidward.
SpongeBob: Hmm? [puts make-up on] Uh, nothing like a little make-up couldn't fix. [chuckles] Hey, I wonder if Karen has a version of me down here.
[A virus version of SpongeBob appears.]
Off Model SpongeBob: Woop, woop, zing, zing. Woop, woop, zing, zing.
SpongeBob: Ooh, now that guy's a hunk.
[Suddenly, the siren goes off.]
Karen: Intruder in section B. Eliminate.
[Off Model SpongeBob, Gnarly Squid, and Money Krabs fire laser beams at SpongeBob and Ideal Plankton. SpongeBob and Ideal Plankton dodge the incoming lasers. Ideal Plankton blasts Money Krabs into little pennies, which have faces of Money Krabs on them.]
SpongeBob: [gets hit by the pennies] Ow! [blows the pennies out of his holes and grabs one of them; the penny then bites SpongeBob's thumb] Yeowch! [drops the penny]
[Ideal Plankton grabs Gnarly Squid and squeezes him really tight.]
Gnarly Squid: Owie, owie, owie. [explodes into a puddle of slime]
Ideal Plankton: What a drip.
[Off Model SpongeBob comes charging towards SpongeBob.]
Off Model SpongeBob: Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
[SpongeBob screams and runs over to Off Model SpongeBob.]
Off Model SpongeBob: Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
[SpongeBob continues to run and scream as he rams into Off Model SpongeBob. But in doing so, he transforms into an exact copy of Off Model SpongeBob himself.]
SpongeBob: Duh.
Off Model SpongeBob: Duh.
SpongeBob: Doy.
Off Model SpongeBob: Doy.
SpongeBob: Duh.
Off Model SpongeBob: Duh.
SpongeBob: Doy.
Off Model SpongeBob: Doy.
Ideal Plankton: Neptune's network! Which one of you is the real SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob and Off Model SpongeBob point at each other. Then stare at themselves in confusion.]
Ideal Plankton: I'll have to use all the computation power I have to figure this out. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. [blasts Off Model SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Duh, duh, doy, doy. Duh, duh, doy, doy.
Ideal Plankton: Oh, no. I think I destroyed the wrong SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Duh, duh, doy—[shakes himself back to his normal form] How do I look?
Ideal Plankton: Stunning.
[Just then, an explosion knocks over Ideal Plankton from behind. Out from the smoke appears the virus. It roars and lets out blobs of green slime everywhere.]
Ideal Plankton: Hmm. Voracious virus!
[The virus slithers over to Karen's memory banks. Ideal Plankton sees a wire dangling from above.]
Ideal Plankton: There's still time to save Karen. [pulls off one of his antennas, ties it to a wire and through it to the lose wire for them to swing across] You first.
[SpongeBob swings across while imitating a Tarzan-like yell. He barely makes it to the ledge.]
SpongeBob: Whoops. Did I do good?
[Part of the ledge crumbles under Ideal Plankton's feet.]
Ideal Plankton: You did great. But I think you could use a little push.
[Ideal Plankton uses his eyeball to push SpongeBob closer to the other side.]
SpongeBob: Whoa, okay, your turn.
[But before Ideal Plankton can have his turn to swing across, the ground beneath him gave way and he falls into the ravine below.]
Ideal Plankton: It's up to you, SpongeBob! You must save Karen!
SpongeBob: No!
Ideal Plankton: What do you mean, no?!
SpongeBob: I mean, yes!
[Meanwhile, outside of her body, Karen is driving crazily in a boatmobile with Plankton sitting in the passenger seat.]
Plankton: Uh, sweetie, maybe we should slow down and pull over. Honey? Precious?
Karen: No way, Plankie! It's me and you, amigo! Whoo-hoo! [drives over to the Wagon Wheel] Oh, hot dog! Let's go dancing! Whoo-hoo! [crashes the boat and enters the Wagon Wheel to join some square dancers] Whoo-hoo, yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Plankton: How are all these people able to dance here in the middle of the day? Don't they have jobs?
Karen: Whoo! [laughs and spins]
[Plankton is flung over to a female square dancer.]
Plankton: SpongeBob, come in, SpongeBob! If you're gonna do anything, do it now! Karen's about to melt down!
[Karen's computer screen begins to glow red and heat up.]
Female hick: Oh, such a cute one-eyed baby.
Plankton: SpongeBob!
[Back inside of Karen, SpongeBob makes it to the memory banks, in which he dashes to the entrance off. Inside, SpongeBob sees various memories Karen stored from the past. All the memories are pink, brain-shaped structures and they're showing footage from older episodes. The virus slithers over to one memory and takes a bite from it. The screen shows nothing but static after he's eaten it. SpongeBob runs between some columns, with one destroyed as a casualty of the virus. He runs up to the virus and forms himself into a stop sign shape as a confrontation to the virus.]
SpongeBob: Stop munching on those memories, you monster!
[The virus turns and charges in on SpongeBob. But SpongeBob dodges it and the virus roars out green slime, and it splatters onto SpongeBob, in which he spins around and has on his karate gear after he stops spinning.]
SpongeBob: [having donned his karate gear] Hi-yah!
[The virus morphs itself into a towering dragon and blows fire at SpongeBob. The fire engulfs SpongeBob and when the flames dissipate, SpongeBob's karate gear is replaced with pink cat attire.]
SpongeBob: [nervously] Meow?
[SpongeBob makes a run for it, with the virus trailing right behind. SpongeBob runs past more memories until he runs into a brick wall, which is a dead end.]
SpongeBob: Plankton, I'm at the edge of Karen's memory! She has to create more memories! I need space to run.
[Outside of her body, Karen bursts out from the Wagon Wheel and heads straight for Bikini Bottom.]
Plankton: [running after her] Is my running after here enough of a memory?
[We cut back to inside Karen's body, but the wall only moves a few inches.]
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm afraid not.
[A shadow looms over SpongeBob, who presses his back against the wall in fear. The virus dragon blows smoke from his nostrils like a bull, and he closes in on SpongeBob, only for his body parts to disassemble and scatter as the virus reverts back to normal. SpongeBob spins and puts himself back together, holding one yellow cube in his hand.]
SpongeBob: I always wind up with one extra piece. [He throws it on the ground and the virus eats it.] Oh, you must be hungry. That's why you're eating through Karen.
Virus: [with a pleading face] I'm always hungry.
SpongeBob: [rubbing his face sympathetically] You poor, ugly, disgusting little virus. I know what you need.
[Back outside, Karen grows tired and her screen steams up smoke. Then she finally stops moves and shuts off.]
Plankton: SpongeBob, I've decided to pull you out! We're abandoning Operation: Save Karen.
SpongeBob: [opens up Karen's screen like a door] I got the virus. [jumps out with a microscope] Look.
[Plankton looks through the microscope and sees the virus.]
Virus: Hi, there!
SpongeBob: [grabs the virus and puts it on a Krabby Patty. The virus may have been huge when SpongeBob journeyed through Karen, but it looks a lot smaller on top of the Krabby Patty.] Here you go, little fella. It'll take the virus 300 years to chew its way through this sandwich.
Virus: Whoo-hoo!
Karen: [wakes up] Oh. Huh?
Plankton: [being shown as Ideal Plankton as Karen looks at him] Baby, you're all right!
Karen: Nope. I'm still delirious. But I like it! [laughs crazily. The episode irises out and then ends.]