Drive Thru/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Drive Thru" from season 8, which aired on July 19, 2011.

[The camera zooms in to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: [sees Mr. Krabs doing something] Mr. Krabs, what 'cha doin'?
Mr. Krabs: Oh ahoy, SpongeBob! I was just usin' some old toothpaste I found to patch up this small hole in the wall.
Squidward: [interrupts] Good thing you didn't hire a professional to do that.
Mr. Krabs: And why is that, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Because then you'd only get to repair it once.
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs both blink]
SpongeBob: So what flavor is it?
Mr. Krabs: It-it-it's just a hole in the wall, boy. It doesn't have a flavor.
SpongeBob: No! I mean the toothpaste.
Mr. Krabs: Oh! Well I think it's... [notices the toothpaste drip, the wall cracks, and falls down]
SpongeBob: Hey, look, Mr. Krabs! That small hole in the wall just became a medium-sized hole in the wall.
Squidward: Time to get out the dental floss. Ha! [cuts to Frank and his two sons riding in a boat, going to the Krusty Krab]
Boy 1: Thanks again for taking us to the Krusty Krab, dad.
Boy 2: Yeah. Mom never brings us here!
Frank: Ha. Any time kids. [notices the hole in the wall] What the...?
[Mr. Krabs tries to put more toothpaste on]
SpongeBob: Careful now...
Frank: Hey, you guys put in a drive-thru!
Mr. Krabs: [confused] We did?
Frank: Great. I'll have three large Krabby Patties, Krabby Fries, a Krabby Cola, and two extra-large orders of Krabby Rings. [notices the toothpaste on his hands and sniffs it] Is this toothpaste?
Mr. Krabs: [smirking] Boy, I don't know how I think of this stuff, but I think I got a winner! We are puttin' in a drive-thru!
SpongeBob: [amazed] A drive--- whoa!
Squidward: Sounds like a lot of extra work to me.
Mr. Krabs: You mean for you.
Squidward: [pounds the cash register] It'll cost you money.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, nonsense. We'll build it for free!
[Cuts to Mr. Krabs outside looking through the hole]
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob. What's with all the booty?
SpongeBob: I got this microphone system so we can hear what the customers order, this neat sign with a menu on it, and this colorful arrow so they know where to go. It even lights up, see? [a light turns on and Mr. Krabs is blinded, slightly unfazed]
Mr. Krabs: Well, that's great SpongeBob, but I already got a bunch of stuff that's better - a menu board made with old napkins and packing tape, a microphone I made with some rusty tin cans I found, and this sign... I made from an old noodle.
SpongeBob: I don't get it, Mr. Krabs. How is this stuff better than the things I bought?
Mr. Krabs: [puts the first microphone cup up to SpongeBob's mouth as Mr. Krabs' ear is on the receiving end] I'm sorry, what?
SpongeBob: [shouts into the microphone cup] How is this stuff better?
Mr. Krabs: Because, it was... [shakes the microphone to get a better signal] Freeeeeee! [blows SpongeBob away with his loud voice]
[Bubble transition]
Frankie Billy: [pulls up to the drive-thru in his boat] I'll have a medium fries, a large Krabby Patty, [takes the end of the menu for a closer look] and a medium drink.
Squidward: Comin' right up, sir. [walks to his workstation boat and places a note with an order on the kitchen window] SpongeBob, I need a medium fries, large Krabby Patty, and a medium drink.
SpongeBob: I'll have that ready in two shakes of a lamprey's tail! [laughs and then tries to deliver the order through the small hole in the hall, but struggles until accidentally dropping all the contents of the tray onto the ground outside. Makes an apologetic face as the customer is unsatisfied before coming up with a solution. He then comes outside and places a small trampoline next to the order hole while humming] That oughta fix it! [back inside the Krusty Krab, he dumps the order on the trampoline and it jumps and splatters the customer, who is visibly disappointed] Thank you, come again.
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' office]
Mr. Krabs: [playing with his money and talking to it in a baby-tease voice] Yes, you like it here, don't ya? [Billy walks in] Can I help you? [Billy gives Mr. Krabs a bill] A bill?! What's this for?
Frankie Billy: It's for my dry cleaning. It seems as though your new drive-thru window is a little on the challenge side. [grease drips off of him] Size-wise, I mean.
Mr. Krabs: [crashes the drive-through window with a mallet, increasing the size of the hole] There, problem solved! [folds his arms smiling as Billy narrows his eyes]
French Narrator: [reads the time card] Meanwhile...
Squidward: [places an order on the note rack] SpongeBob, two large, two medium. I hate my job.
Dale: [at the drive-thru window] Excuse me? I'd like to place an order, please. [Squidward walks up there before he is interrupted by Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, Squidward.
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I am getting really tired of running back and forth. I find it both exhausting and time-consuming.
Mr. Krabs: [pushes the cash register boat beside the hole in the wall, then pushes the grill along with SpongeBob into his office, and finally pushes his chair into the kitchen, then walks back to Squidward]
Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh, wonderful. Peachy. Now how am I supposed to get to SpongeBob so I can hand him these order tickets here?
Mr. Krabs: [smashes a hole in his office wall revealing SpongeBob; stars on a black screen are shown to emphasize the damage] Problem solved!
SpongeBob: Squidward! Hi!
Squidward: Oh, it's days like this that make me wish I had gone to college.
Plankton: [drives up in a small car; to the viewers] Now I'll be able to get a Krabby Patty the simplest way possible: [stops his car] By ordering one. [laughs evilly] Ahem! I would like to order one Krabby Patty, please! Uh, extra secret formula. [pauses] Hello?! Is this stupid thing on?!
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Any customers?
Squidward: None that I can hear.
Mr. Krabs: [looks out the hole] Oh! Here comes one now!
Plankton: [notices the customer entering the drive-thru] Hey. Hey! Go around! Go around! [screams, then gets run over and squished]
Old man: A large Krabby Patty with fries please.
Squidward: [writes down his order in a notepad and responds via the tin can microphone] With fries. Got it. We'll have that right out to you sir.
Old Man: What? You're closed?! Now she tells me... [drives off in anger]
Squidward: [comes back with a bag] There ya are sir. The ketchup's in the b-- [realizes there's no one there] What? Did somebody order a Krabby Patty? [Plankton slowly raises his arm] Nobody, huh? Okay, I'll just toss it in the trash. [walks away to do so off-screen. Plankton's arm goes down]
French Narrator: [reads time card] Later...
Pearl: [She and her friends enter the drive-thru in their boat; they laugh] I sure am in a jovial mood! How 'bout you guys? [laughs again]
Girl 1: You bet, Pearl!
Girl 2: Oh, I'm feeling especially jovial. You know, being a teenager and all!
Squidward: [speaking through the microphone tin cans off-screen] Welcome to the Krusty Krab drive-thru. Can I take your order?
Pearl: Hey, you guys. It sounds like that weird guy Squidward. What do ya say we play a prank on him?
Girl 2: Ooh! Sounds like a great idea to me! Being a teenager and all! [takes out a megaphone] Two large Krabby Patties, please! [pause] With fries! [giggles]
Squidward: [His left ear is shown pounding due to the pain inflicted; he is shown sweating, then holds his ear as he cries a bit] Ow! [to the viewers] I'm not fakin' it, you know. That really hurt. A lot.
[Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs and Squidward in the kitchen; Mr. Krabs is shown sitting at his office desk; Squidward's ear is now bandaged]
Mr. Krabs: [holding a bill from Squidward] A bill?! And what is this for?
Squidward: [points to his bandaged ear] It's for my ear-replacement surgery! We need a real microphone and speaker!
Mr. Krabs: You have any idea how much a real microphone and speaker cost?!
Squidward: How much?
Mr. Krabs: Well, they cost as much as... as uh... as a... real microphone and... speaker.
French Narrator: [reads time card] Just then...
Larry: [drives his large S.U.B. into the tin can, breaking it in the process] Whoa, whoa. Woopsie!
Mr. Krabs: [notices the tin can falling off] Hey! You delinquent! [goes back inside]
Squidward: Now you'll have to replace it.
Mr. Krabs: Replace what?
Squidward: The microphone!
Mr. Krabs: What do I look like, I'm made out of tin cans?
Squidward: No, but that pile of tin cans over there is. [points to a pile of tin cans]
Mr. Krabs: Good thing we got you around to always point out the obvious.
Squidward: Good thing you're around to never notice the obvious!
Larry: [watches Mr. Krabs fix the microphone] Sorry about that, dude.
Mr. Krabs: Well, that's nice! [walks away but then comes back briefly to warn him] I'm still billin' ya for the damages!
SpongeBob: [walks to the hole holding a Krabby Patty meal] One Krabby Meal! To go!
Larry: Hand it on up here!
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Larry! [tries to hand the Krabby Meal up to Larry, but struggles accompanied with grunts]
Larry: Come on, bro! You can do it! [SpongeBob continues to struggle until he falls out of the hole and onto the ground, dropping the meal in the process, which splatters onto himself] Or maybe not.
SpongeBob: [walks to Mr. Krabs while he is covered in food] Mr. Krabs, I'm concerned.
Mr. Krabs: Oh? Why, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Because I can't reach the window of Larry the Lobster's S.U.B.!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah... Well, there's a solution to every problem! [Smashes another hole above the first one, revealing Larry's face] There! Problem solved! [laughs, then hears honking noises] Hey! What's all the ruckourous about?! Whoa... [notices the long line of cars outside]
Millie: Hey! What's the hold up?!
Man 1: How long you gonna make us wait?!
Man 2: We were waitin' here for hours!
Harold: We're still waiting... in our driveway!
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! There's a line of customers out there a million miles long!
Squidward: [sarcastically] That's nice. [shifts his attention to a red book he is reading] That's interesting.
Mr. Krabs: I guess I'll be retirin' early after all! [walks and laughs and then spots a policeman in the middle of where the boat register used to be]
Policeman: Mr. Eugene Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Yes? [The policeman hands him a ticket] What? Is this a-a-a ticket?!
Policeman: A ticket? [laughs] Now why would I write you a ticket? Huh? Oh, I know! How about for turning the whole town into a parking lot?!
Mr. Krabs: Ah! But, officer! I a... I a... Listen!
Policeman: Relax, man, that's just my order. I want two Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go! [shows his badge] I don't wait in lines!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, sure! Right! Phew! [laughs] SpongeBob, can you get the kind officer two-
SpongeBob: [appears with the bag of Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries] -Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go, sir? Anything for our boys in blue!
Mr. Krabs: [hands him the bag] There ya go, officer! And thanks for bein' so understanding! If you know what I mean? No charge.
Policeman: [takes the bag] You're welcome. Just hope the mayor doesn't find out about this mess. He's the one you need to worry about! [holds open the door letting the Mayor in] Mayor. [leaves]
Mayor: Eugene Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: [screams] Mr. Mayor!
Mayor: The whole town is in a stand-still because your drive thru is so slow!
Mr. Krabs: Well... don't you worry, Mr. Mayor! There's an answer for that too! [smashes another hole on the other side of the Krusty Krab] There ya go! See, now we got two drive thrus, two lines, and I'll make money twice as fast! [laughs]
Mayor: Hmm! That should work perfectly!
[Bubble transition to a bunch of boatmobiles surrounding the outside of the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob trying to deliver the numerous orders]
SpongeBob: Okay! Who had the Double Krabby Patty with fries and extra chee-? [the crowd angrily yells and tries to grab the food]
Squidward: SpongeBob, order up!
SpongeBob: I'm on it! [dashes over, takes the order ticket, and then starts grilling many Krabby Patties at the same time]
Squidward: Hurry, SpongeBob! I got 26 more orders!
SpongeBob: [grows a bunch of arms, flips the patties, and comes out carrying a bunch of trays with orders on them] 26 orders up!
Squidward: [running past SpongeBob] No-no-no! Not that window! The other one!
SpongeBob: Squidward, are you sure?! These customers over here look really, really hungry! [spots a bunch of people in the window yelling]
Squidward: [customers are biting on him] And these ones don't?!
Lenny: [honks and suddenly gets hit from behind] Hey-hey-hey, watch it, will ya?! I just had this thing repainted!
Frank (lifeguard): And I just had this repainted! [takes out a pipe-like object]
Lenny: [scared] I see you used the extra-glossy...
Plankton: [walks around holding chum] Chum nuggets here! Goin' fast! Get 'em while they're cold! Get 'em while they're runny! Looks like Krabs' drive thru is really payin' off... [takes out some cash] for me! [laughs evilly, then spots something] Oh no... not again. [screams and gets run over by the same old man from earlier]
Old Man: Oh, darn it! Now there's a line!
Plankton: [gets up] Watch where you're goin', old man! This is the second time!
Old Man: I'm too old to wait in lines! [squashes Plankton the third time by backing up to leave]
Plankton: [takes out a chum nugget] Chum Nuggets... get 'em before... [his arm breaks and the chum he is holding lands in his eye] my arm falls off.
Mr. Krabs: [gasps as he notices the enormous line of customers outside] They're everywhere!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Stay back! Take Squidward, not me! [opens eyes and spots Squidward] Oh. Hi, Squidward.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! We gotta do something! The customers are mad with hunger! They're beginning to riot!
Squidward: For once, he's right!
Mr. Krabs: Easy, boys! Easy! Don't you think you're both gettin' a little carried away? I mean, I hardly call this a riot, right? [laughs] Like- [The Krusty Krab sign suddenly crashes through the window] Oh... kay... Don't worry, [takes out a sledgehammer] I can solve this! [runs over to the wall] More drive-thrus! More money!
[Mr. Krabs smashes another hole in the Krusty Krab, causing it to suddenly crack. All of the customers drive away screaming]
Mr. Krabs: [hears the cracking noise as the Krusty Krab begins to disintegrate] Hey, is somebody eatin' potato chips?
[The Krusty Krab finally breaks apart, and Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob emerge from the rubble]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs! [takes out the tube of toothpaste from earlier] We can fix it! [squirts the rubble with the toothpaste, until the tube runs out] We might need to buy some more toothpaste, though. [Mr. Krabs cries, ending the episode]