Dil Saver/Transcript

[Tommy, Chuckie, Kimi, Phil, and Lil are building a tower of blocks. Suddenly, a block sails through the air and hits the tower, knocking it down dramatically, with its blocks flying everywhere. The babies look back at the culprit: Dil, who squeals and picks up a block that is beside him. The older babies build up the tower again, and this time, a ball comes bouncing towards the tower, knocking it over. Dil laughs. Dil's eyes are closed, and he is happily sucking on his bottle and kicking his feet. Again, the older babies build the tower, and this time, they all look, worriedly, at Dil, who is continuing to drink from his bottle.]

Kimi: We did it!

Kimi, Tommy, Chuckie, Phil & Lil: (cheering)

[As they all stand, cheering, Dil's bottle flies through the air, and the tower is destroyed, yet again.]

Chuckie: Dil keeps wreckin' our stuff! [he sits down, annoyed.]

Tommy: I know. He broke my favoritest toy yesterday. The one that goes "ding"?

Angelica: [Angelica laughs as she walks into the room, carrying Cynthia in one hand, and a cookie in the other.] Good work, drool-puss! [She holds the cookie out to Dil. He reaches for it, and she pulls it away from him. She dangles the cookie beyond Dil's reach as he attempts to grab it.] Nah! [She takes a bite from the cookie and makes loud chewing sounds. She walks always, and a frustrated Dil grabs a block, and throws it. It hits Tommy on the head.]

Tommy: Ouch! [he rubs his head.] Dil!

[As the older babies walk past and away from Dil, he throws another block, hitting Lil in the back of the head. Dil throws yet another block, which flies past Chuckie and lands next to Kimi.]

Tommy: Sometimes, I wish he'd just go away. [Another block hits him in the back of the head.]

Chuckie: My daddy told me once if you wish hard enough for things, they might happen. [As he says this, a couple more blocks fly past him.]

Tommy: Just from wishing? [Yet another block hits him in the back of the head.] I didn't know that.

Angelica: (laughing) [She eats the last of her cookie. Stu, Lou, and Lulu walk into the room.]

Stu: Hey, thanks for watching the kids while Didi's out.

Lou: Ah, coming here with Lulu is like going out on a date.

[Lulu waves to Angelica, then bends down and waves to Dil.]

Lulu: Hey there, little fella! (makes kissing sounds) [She picks Dil up and carries him away. Stu and Lou walk back into the kitchen.]

Angelica: (laughing wickedly and talking to Cynthia) I'm gonna make sure Tommy wishes he never made that wish!

[In Tommy's bedroom, he and his friends are in the closet. Phil presses the nose of a toy pig. Music plays, and the pig's arms and legs move. Chuckie is holding a flashlight.]

Lil: I don't like to play in here!

Chuckie: Yeah, it's kinda dark and it smells like inside-out pockets.

[The closet door creaks open, and light from outside the closet shines into the closet, illuminating the babies and the floor, where Angelica's shadow looms. The babies turn and gasp, and Chuckie yells out.]

Angelica: Hey, what are you scaredy-cats doin' in the closet?

Tommy: We're hidin' from Dil so he can't break our toys.

Chuckie: Dil's been actin' like a baby lately!

Lil: Where is Dil?

Angelica: Yeah, Tommy, where is he? Ever since you wished he'd go away, it's like he disappeared! [She walks away.]

Tommy: But, I only wished it one time, 'cause he was gettin' all "Dilly" an'… I didn't really mean it.

Angelica: (laughs) (leaves the room and talks to Cynthia) See how "gulliver" they are?

[The babies come to the spot in the living room where Dil had been.]

Tommy: We gots to find him!

[Chuckie looks behind a curtain. Phil and Lil go to the fireplace and look up the chimney. Tommy looks under one of the sofa's cushions.]

Tommy: Dil's gotta be here somewheres.

Kimi: If we need to check under the whole world to find him, we will!

Tommy: Follow me!

[He and the babies walk off.]

Angelica: Cynthia, this is almost too easy!

[Dil is on the changing table in his bedroom. He is under a blanket, and Lulu is changing him.]

Dil: (straining)

Lulu: I bet you're workin' on a little (singsong voice): something! (laughs) [She throws Dil's diaper into the pail beside the table.] I'm ready for ya, tiger! [She holds up a fresh diaper, which Dil kicks and and knocks out of her hands.] Oh! [She bends down to pick up the diaper, but stops, as her back is troubling her. Dil continues straining, and, through a baby monitor on the changing table, his voice is transmitted through another monitor that is on Stu's desk. Stu is working on his computer. Lou opens the door to the office and, hearing Dil's voice, looks around.]

Lou: Where the dickens is that comin' from?

Stu: Oh, that's a monitor so you can hear a baby cry when it's in its bedroom.

Lou: Well, you finally came up with one dandy invention, son!

Stu: I didn't invent that, Dad.

[Stu puts a photo of Dil into a scanner and presses a button printer.]

Lou: What are you doin' now?

Stu: I'm scanning this photo of Dil into my computer so when I turn it on, I'll see his face.

Lou: Wow, now that invention's a doozy!

Stu: Not mine either, Dad. [Outside the door, Angelica peers into the room. She moves back, out of sight, as Stu walks up to the door.] You know, I think I'll just go downstairs to work on one of my inventions. [He leaves the room.]

Lou: Okey-dokey. I think I’ll go make myself a prune juice spritzer. [He leaves the room as well.]

['With the coast clear, Angelica comes in the room, and stops and looks at the computer monitor. A devious smile appears on her face.]

Angelica: Oh, Tommy! I think I found your little baby brother!

[Tommy, Chuckie, Kimi, and the twins come into the room. The photo of Dil that Stu had scanned into the computer is looking back at them from the computer monitor.]

Chuckie: Wow, Dil's a TV show!

Kimi: Neat! Let's watch him! [She sits down.]

Angelica: He's not on TV; he's trapped inside the compooper! [She raps on the computer screen a couple of times.]

Phil: How'd he get in there?

Angelica: I bet Tommy knows. It was his fault.

Tommy: Was not! Nobody gets disappeared just 'cause somebody wishes it!

Phil: Yeah, Angelica, you're still here! (Rimshot sounds.)

Angelica: You think Dil just got inside the compooper all by hisself?

Tommy: Uh, uh… I guess not. Come on, guys. We gots to get him out! [He climbs up onto the computer chair and the others gather beside him. As Angelica leaves the room, she looks back at the babies.]

Angelica: (laughs)

[Back at the changing table in Dil's bedroom, Lulu is dressing him up in polka dotted pants and a striped shirt.]

Dil: (babbling happily)

[Dil's voice travels through the baby monitor and is again transmitted through the office’s baby monitor. Chuckie is tapping away at keys on the computer keyboard.]

Tommy: Dil! I hear you! It's me, Tommy! How do I get you out of there, Dil? [He waves his hand at Dil's image on the screen.]

Dil: (makes a squeal that sounds like "pee pee!")

Phil: Pee-pee? Now? [He closes his eyes.] Okay.

Lil: No, Phillip! I think he means "P", like in the "alpherbetty"song. You know: A, Z, T, P, D, N, Z...

Tommy: Maybe it's one of these. [He, Chuckie and Lil all tap on keys on the keyboard.]

Chuckie: Your brother's real smart to know his alpherbettys.

Phil: Yeah, too bad we'll never see him again.

[The image of Dil starts "rolling" on the screen.]

Lil: (gasps) Oh, no! Look at him now!

Chuckie: Hey, let me try! [He taps on more keys, and the image of Dil starts rolling faster. Lil shrieks] Okay, I'm done now.

Tommy: I know what'll make Dilly happy! Let’s put a diapie on him!

Phil: Hey! He can have my dirty one!

Chuckie: I think he wants a clean one better. [He gets out of the chair and runs out of the room.]

[Outside, in the yard, Spike is chasing a cat. The cat climbs up a tree as Spike stands below on his hind legs, barking up at the cat. Lou is at the kitchen window, watching this scene unfold.]

Lou: Spike! Leave that poor cat alone!

Lulu: Look who's in here! It's Grandpa! [She holds up Dil, who is wearing the polka dotted pants and striped shirt, as well as a hat with stars on it, and mitts on his hands.]

Lou: What kind of getup is that?

Lulu: Like it? I've always had a knack for catchy outfits. [She walks away with Dil, lifting him up into the air and back down again.] Woo! Woo!

Dil: (giggling)

[Not noticing Lulu and Dil, Chuckie leaves the room, carrying an armload of items.]

[In the office, Tommy and Lil are tapping away at keys on the keyboard.]

Chuckie: Here, Tommy, I've got a diapie and a bunch o' other stuff. [He is holding a blanket, onesie, and blocks in one arm, and holds up a bottle of diaper cream in the other.] He needs this so he won't get a rash.

[Diaper cream is squirted onto the computer monitor and Lil rubs it with her hand.]

Lil: Gots to rub it in! [Tommy holds up a diaper and Lil helps tape it onto the monitor.]

Chuckie: He's still not movin' much!

[Only the top part of Dil's head is now visible on the screen, as the rest is covered up by the diaper.]

Lil: Maybe he's cold.

Tommy: Yeah, my daddy always says his compooper freezes up. Let's put his jammies on him!

Chuckie: Knowin' Dil, he's probably hungry.

Tommy: Yeah! Hmm, okay, Phil and Lil, you put his jammies on while the rest of us get Dil something to eat.

Phil: Okay.

Lil: We will!

[Tommy, Chuckie, and Kimi leave the room. Phil and Lil both pull on Dil's onesie, trying to fit over the computer monitor. The monitor tips over onto its side, and the twins both fall to the floor.]

Phil: Ow!

[Lil looks at the now-sideways image of Dil.]

Lil: Whoops! Now he's on his head. Hey, that looks like fun!

Phil: Yeah!

[In the kitchen, Lulu hands Dil over to Lou.]

Lulu: Mind taking over for a few minutes? [She rubs her arm.] I just can't feel my arms anymore!

Lou: No problem. [He walks away with Dil.] Dilly, let me tell you about the first time I caught shrapnel in W.W. II…

[At the sound of the cat meowing and Spike barking, Lulu walks over to the window and looks out.]

Lulu: Oh, poor thing.

[Tommy grabs a bowl of fruit from the kitchen table and hands it to Chuckie. Kimi is looking over at Lulu.]

Kimi: Your grandma's talking to a tree again.

Tommy: No, she's not. She’s talking about Dil!

[They all look at Lulu, who walks away from the window.]

Lulu: Who's going to rescue him?

Tommy: We are!

[In the office, the computer monitor is still lying on its side, and the onesie has been taped over the screen.]

Lil: Sorry. He fell on his head when we "dressded" him. [Tommy, Chuckie, and Kimi have come back into the room; Chuckie is holding the fruit bowl and Tommy is holding a peeled banana.]

Tommy: Hey, Dilly! We brought you some yummies!

[He climbs up to the image of Dil and smears the banana onto it. Banana puree is covering the onesie and the part of Dil's head that is still visible on the screen.]

Kimi: I guess he's not so hungry after all.

Tommy: Don't worry, Dil. I’m gonna get you out no matter what!

Chuckie: Maybe he'll just crawl out. [Tommy stares blankly at Chuckie.] Some people said compoopers have windows.

[Tommy starts tapping on the keyboard and a copy of Dil's photo comes out of the printer and lands on the floor.]

Chuckie: It's Dil, Tommy! You gotted him out! [Chuckie picks up the printed photo of Dil and hands it to Tommy.]

Phil: Isn’t he kinda… I don't know… flat?

Tommy: Dil, I'm sorry 'bout what I said.

Lil: He still isn’t movin' much!

Kimi: Maybe he wants to play.

Phil: Yeah, then he might feel better!

[Chuckie picks up a couple of blocks.]

Chuckie: Let's build these blocks so's he can knock them down.

[Tommy, Chuckie and Kimi build a stack of six blocks.]

Tommy: Okay, Dil. Go get it! [He moves the photo of Dil closer to the blocks.] That better?

[The photo of Dil just "stares" at them.]

[Tommy and Chuckie glance at each other. Kimi makes a funny face at "Dil"and sticks out her tongue; she stops when she gets no response.]

Kimi: Oh!

[Tommy closes his eyes and waves his hands, but stops and looks at the photo, which "stares" back at him.]

Tommy: I know! Hey, Dil, hit me on the head! [He tilts his head over the photo.]

Chuckie: Let's put him back inside the compooper; at least he talked then!

Tommy: Good idea, Chuckie! [He picks up the photo of Dil and hands it to Phil, who attempts to shove it back into the printer. The image of Dil reappears on the computer monitor.]

Chuckie: He's back!

Tommy: Hey, Dil! It's me, Tommy! Can you hear me? Say somethin'! [He leans onto the keyboard, and presses down on a key.]

Automated computer voice: Do you want help?

All: Yeah!

Lil: What happened to Dil's voice?

Angelica: What's wrong with you babies? That's not Dil talking. That's the compooper.

Tommy: Oh, Angelica, what do we do? Dil's not actin' right. He won't even eat!

Angelica: Well, he should. Why do you think compoopers have menus? If Dil won't eat, I just don't know what'll happen! [She leaves the room] (sighs)

[Tommy smushes more of the banana onto the computer screen.]

Tommy: Come on, Dil, please try and eat!

Chuckie: Maybe there's a button to help him chew.

[Tommy taps on more keys on the keyboard.]

Automated computer voice: Delete?

Tommy: Yeah! "Dill eat!" Make him eat!

[Lil attempts to stand the computer monitor back up, but it falls off of the table, upside down, onto the floor.]

Tommy: My brother! I'll never wish anybody away again! [He pounds on more keys.]

Automated computer voice: Do you want to "send"?

Tommy: Yes! Please! Send Dil back to us! [He continues pounding on keys. The image of Dil on the computer disappears, and the screen goes black.]

Chuckie: Where is he?! Where did he get sended?!

Kimi: I know! What's his favoritest place? Maybe he's there.

Tommy: Um, his favoritest place is his room. Let's go see!

[In Dil's room, Lulu puts Dil down in his baby seat. She leaves the room.]

Dil: (laughing)

[From the doorway, Tommy sees Dil; he and the others run up to Dil, who is still wearing the outfit Lulu had made him, and holding a bottle.]

Tommy: Look! He's back! And, asides from his arms and his pants, and his feets and his shirt an' stuff, he's perfect!

Chuckie, Kimi, Phil & Lil: Yay! Dil!

[Tommy hugs his little brother, who whacks his bottle into the side of Tommy's face. Tommy puts his hand up to where the bottle hit him.]

Tommy: Ow! Oh, that felt good, Dil! Do it again!

[Dil whacks Tommy on the side of the head a few more times with the bottle.]

Chuckie, Kimi, Phil & Lil: (laughing)

[In the office, Angelica is looking at the computer monitor lying on the floor with the diaper and onesie taped to it, and the mess from the diaper cream and banana puree.]

Angelica: (laughing) Those babies are in so much trouble!

[Stu walks into the room looking at a book, which he drops when he sees the mess; his eyes travel from the blocks, to the banana, to the desk and then to the computer monitor lying on the floor. Angelica turns and gives her uncle a sheepish smile.]

Stu: ANGELICAAAAAAAAAAA!

[The episode ends with an outside shot of the house.]