Friday, March 31, 2017
Pride
You will learn your pride has to go. I could write a lists to tell of my pride. CP makes you check yourself everyday, this I know. I'd rather do it myself than let go of my pride and ask for help. Not good folks. I hide my pain, my fear everything. I pay prices for my pride. Pride, not CP will be my downfall. The pride has to go.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Lessons you will learn being disabled
Acceptance can take a long time depending how stubborn you are.
You will learn to wait.
You will face reality whether you want to or not.
Blissful ignorance no longer applies
You will battle your faith more than you ever thought possible.
You will learn those who love you versus an afterthought.
You will be blunt.
You will still try to see the world as a good place.
You will try to not get down on yourself.
You will have to choose joy every day.
You will have to face your fears every day.
You will know rejection and pain.
But you will find joy to keep living.
You will learn to wait.
You will face reality whether you want to or not.
Blissful ignorance no longer applies
You will battle your faith more than you ever thought possible.
You will learn those who love you versus an afterthought.
You will be blunt.
You will still try to see the world as a good place.
You will try to not get down on yourself.
You will have to choose joy every day.
You will have to face your fears every day.
You will know rejection and pain.
But you will find joy to keep living.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Acceptance
Having a rough few weeks. Accepting who you are while others can't. Trying to conform to a set of norms. Having to rely on the One who never fails, and Trusting His timing is testing every bit of faith I have.
God, lead to a place where Your Grace is sufficient.
God, lead to a place where Your Grace is sufficient.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Monday, March 27, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Friday, March 24, 2017
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Monday, March 20, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Friday, March 17, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Blessings.
Worshipping with Jesus.
I am blessed with a family that loves me.
A warm, cozy home.
A pantry that is beyond full.
Dreams.
Being able to travel
Calloused feet that tell me I'm walking
Hope in Jesus. I hope You find Him too.
I am blessed with a family that loves me.
A warm, cozy home.
A pantry that is beyond full.
Dreams.
Being able to travel
Calloused feet that tell me I'm walking
Hope in Jesus. I hope You find Him too.
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
What I want.
Living with Christ is hard
for I am selfish
I want what I want
With Christ
You live for others
Deny self
Our desire is not His
To love Christ
I must love other.
for I am selfish
I want what I want
With Christ
You live for others
Deny self
Our desire is not His
To love Christ
I must love other.
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Suffering
I've read several blog posts discussing joy in suffering. I flatly said no, but I was thinking of happiness. Happiness in suffering I haven't found. Joy, I will see. When I immerse myself in who He is, let myself worship, my heart can appreciate His Love and Sacrifice. So I will honor His suffering by finding joy in mine.
Monday, March 13, 2017
i need You
Lord, I need you
For what I see
I do not like.
When I see you
I must trust
Even when the world
Says not
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Friday, March 10, 2017
Vulnerable
The vulnerability I feel right now is like an open wound that won't close. Open to feel everything I once repressed. Wonder if what I want if not an option. Waiting on God is hard. Waiting is hard period. Trust is hard. Having faith is hard. Wonder if it's me. I'm trying to love self, and I wonder if it's me.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Denial
I've been thinking which for me can be not good. I once thought it was great that you couldn't see my disability. I'm finding that thinking wrong. Denial has caused me more pain than I can say. Truth is one hard cut, but denial is a festering sore. I have to forgive myself. I realize I haven't. Writing this last sentence has me in tears thinking of what I've done to myself. I can't undo the pain, but I can try not to repeat it. Right now, I have to let the anger go. Not all anger is bad, but this is right now.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Faith
Let me have faith. Faith that demonstrates belief. A belief that doesn't waver. That needs no proof.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Monday, March 6, 2017
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Grace
Finding you in that place. When I am face to face. Knowing that my mistakes are not disgrace. I trust in the sovereignty of the One who took the blame. For life began when I called your Name. I come to You today seeking forgiveness for what I cannot change.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Friday, March 3, 2017
Cerebral Palsy
I'm realizing normal isn't possible. Peace, yes. I've dreaded dependency, giving it to negativity, but that may not be so. It takes strength, Grace and courage to admit you need help even when it bruises your ego. I have an ego, and Cerebral Palsy breaks it.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Cerebral Palsy
I didn't want to talk about Cerebral Palsy because I didn't want to deal with it. The pain, the agony, the shame over not having acceptance over what I have never been able to control. I didn't think people would love me because I couldn't love myself. I struggle with accepting love because I question its authenticity. I didn't want to accept the elephant in the room. As much as I said I did, I didn't. I wanted from people what I was unwilling to give myself. Truth, the one thing that doesn't lie. The scars one sees are not the bad ones. I want to trust, to love and let Truth guide me.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
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