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The Order figures out how to scry on Durkon.

Cast[]

Transcript[]

Panel 1

Hilgya: So, where are we heading, exactly?
Roy: Well, uh, we're not really sure.
Belkar: We tend to play this stuff by ear a lot.

Panel 2

Roy: We know that Durkon has a plan to influence the Council of Clans to vote for... a thing that's kind of a big deal.
Roy: We were going to head over to the chamber where they hold that vote and kind of look around a bit.

Panel 3

Hilgya: That's it? That's your plan?
Roy: I hear what your saying, but you have to understand it's been a shockingly effective strategy for us in the past.

Panel 4

Hilgya: That's silly. If you don't know where someone is, you cast a spell to locate them.
Belkar: Says the chick who needed her god to personally tell her where the same guy we're looking for now was.

Panel 5

Hilgya: Hey, don't think I didn't try that. The scrying spell is resisted by the subject's subconscious mind.
Hilgya: Durkon's uptight rule-worshipping little brain is apparently perfectly capable of keeping me from getting a fix on him.

Panel 6

Hilgya: But! I can increase the spell's potency a whole lot by channeling it through a part of his body.
Roy: Unless he exchanged kidneys with one of use in lieu of a BFF necklace, I doubt that will help.

Panel 7

Hilgya: It doesn't have to be, like, an organ. Hair will do, or toenail clippings.
Roy: Damn, I trimmed a few inches off his beard when we fought. I should have grabbed some.
Belkar: I'm really glad that never occurred to you.
Vaarsuvius: Actually... I believe Miss Starshine likely possesses an appropriate bodily fluid.

Panel 8

Hilgya: Oh, I should have known. He just couldn't keep it in his pants, could he? Even with his co-workers.
Haley: What?! No! And also, ewww. I don't—
Vaarsuvius: Allow me to explain before this conversation degrades further into sitcom-level farce.

Panel 9

Flashback to the Mechane; Durkon is sinking his fangs into Haley
Vaarsuvius (inset): She was the final member of our group to allow herself to be bitten by the vampire before we arrived at Zenith Peak.
Vaarsuvius (inset): As a result, her body has the greatest chance of containing whatever necrotic substance serves as the vampire's saliva within her bloodstream.

Panel 10

Cut back to Firmament
Vaarsuvius: Therefore, she has a reasonable likelihood of serving as a viable channeling medium for the spell's energy.
Haley: That's brilliant, V! Completely gross, but brilliant!

Panel 11

Hilgya: Worth a shot, I guess. Better than just wandering around hoping to stumble on a clue.
Roy: OK, but let's be clear that there would have been a better than even chance of a villain bursting in on us the other way, too.
Elan: It's just like the bardic philosophers say: Narrative abhors a vacuum!

D&D Context[]

  • Scrying is a 5th level cleric spell which allows the caster to see people remotely.

Trivia []

  • In the final panel, Elan makes a pun on the physical concept of Horror vacui, "nature abhors a vacuum", first postulated by Aristotle, and debated by several Enlightenment-era philosophers, scientists, and mathematicians.
  • The title is a pun on the fairly common expression, "Boys Don't Cry." In popular culture that title has been used as the title of both a 1999 film starring Hilary Swank and Chloë Sevigny and a 1980 album and song by The Cure.
  • This is the first time all six members of the Order of the Stick have appeared in the same strip (albeit via flashback) in over 100 strips, since #993.

External Links[]

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