This is a complete transcript of the episode The Haunting of Mission Creek High.
Transcript[]
(in the main school hallway)
Leo: (from behind door) Psst! Hey, guys, you ever have that nightmare where you're standing in the middle of the school in nothing but your birthday suit? (walks out in a towel) Well, it's happening to me! Someone stole my clothes while I was in the shower!
Adam: Well, you know, when I lose something, I find it helps to ask yourself: Where's the last place you saw it?
Leo: On my body.
Adam: And you definitely checked there?
Bree: That is so mean. Who would do that to you?
(Trent walks in wearing Leo's clothes)
Trent: A-yo!
Adam, Bree, and Chase: Ah.
Leo: Trent? You took my clothes?
Trent: Well, yeah. How else am I supposed to play Attack of the Giant Trent? Fee-fi-fo-fum. I smell the blood of a wimpy one! (sniffs) Get it? (whispers) It's you. (rips the pants) Ooh! Tear in aisle two! Looks like your mommy's gonna have to buy you clothes at the not big and the not tall store. (laughs and walks away)
Leo: Why does Trent always pick on me more than anyone else?
Chase: Well, I outsmart him. I've studied his schedule and routine to ensure that we're never alone together. I even know when he is gonna take a...
Trent: Bathroom break! (runs away)
Chase: Right on time.
Bree: Son, you need a hobby.
Leo: I'm sick of this. I'm gonna go offer Trent a choice. Stop picking on me or suffer the consequences. (walks into the cafeteria)
(Trent steals Leo's towel offscreen and Leo screams)
Trent: (walks back into the hallway and starts waving Leo's towel) Camera phones on, people. We've got a runner!
(theme song plays)
...
(in the main hallway)
(Leo walks out of the school office wearing a pantsuit)
Leo: Lost and found didn't have anything, so Principal Perry loaned me her emergency pantsuit.
(Trent walks by and pulls a part of Leo's pantsuit over his head)
Trent: Jackethead!
Adam: Okay, that's it. It's time me and Trent had a talk. Now he's disrespecting my brother and casual business attire!
(Perry walks out of her office)
Perry: Lookin' good, Dooley. Sorry about the crumbs in the pockets. I'm a girl who likes her crackers. (to everyone) Attention, dandruff donkeys! Tomorrow is the homecoming dance, and if you don't have a date now, keep asking. I love watching rejections!
Bree: How many dances have you been to?
Perry: We're not going there, stick-pop. Tomorrow's also the one hundredth anniversary of the demise of Jasper the janitor. Flo, Brandy, a little mood lighting.
(one lunch lady dims the lights while the other holds a flashlight to Perry's face)
Perry: It was a dark, gloomy night at Mission Creek High when a group of kids decided to prank old Jasper.
Leo: What were a bunch of kids doing in school at night?
Perry: Irrelevant! They decided to scare him when he was cleaning the pencil sharpener. His beard got caught. and all they found were Jasper shavings, with no one to sweep them up.
Adam: What about the janitor? Oh, never mind, guys, I got there.
Perry: Legend has it that every ten years, Jasper's ghost returns to seek revenge on the students!
Trent: (high-pitched) Aah! (normal voice) I mean, ah, good story!
Perry: Whenever he returns, there's always one kid who mysteriously moves away, never to be heard from again! (whispers) Lights. Lights.
(the lunch lady flicks the lights back on)
Perry: Anywho, I'm going on a little vacay. Me and Mr. Whiskers are gonna zip-line across the Grand Canyon. Until then, I leave you under the watchful eye of Mrs. Thistle. Thistle!
Mrs. Thistle: Bingo!
Perry: See you in two weeks. Well, whoever's left. (laughs)
(the students all disperse)
Chase: Are we really supposed to believe that the school is haunted?
Adam: Yeah, Jasper's probably just misunderstood. The ghost in my cartoons is very friendly.
Trent: (to his friend) Do you think that ghost is real? And I'm not asking for me. It's for my friend...Brent.
Leo: I got it! Trent is afraid of ghosts! We can use your bionics to create one and scare him. Then he'll be humiliated and he won't do it to me anymore.
Chase: Leo, do you actually believe anyone's gonna buy that the school is haunted just 'cause I do this?
(Chase uses his molecular kinesis to move a broom across the hallway, making students scream and run away)
Chase: All right! Let's go make some ghosts!
Leo: Yes!
...
(in the living room)
Owen: Sorry to cut our study session short, my art is calling. And when you gotta sculpt, you gotta sculpt. Did that sound weird?
Bree: Not for you. (chuckles)
(Bree's phone beeps)
Bree: Oh, yes! They're gonna let me decorate the gym for the homecoming dance!
Owen: What? But I'm the best artist in school. I always decorate for the dances.
Bree: Oh. Well, I asked Mrs. Thistle and she didn't remember that. But to be fair, she also thinks it's 1942.
Owen: Well, can I at least help you?
Bree: Yeah, sure. The theme is the American Frontier, so I'm thinkin' a Wild West thing.
Owen: Wild West. I love it. I see wagon wheels. No! Barrels! Lots of barrels.
Bree: Okay.
Owen: You know what, Bree? This is your thing. I'm gonna back off and let you do it your way. But I leave you with this. (whispers) Barrels.
(Owen walks out the front door and Bree closes it)
Bree: Good thing he's cute.
...
Leo: I thought you said Trent was coming.
Chase: Well, he should be. His morning bathroom break was due five minutes ago.
(Trent walks in and Leo and Chase scramble to stay out of sight)
Trent: Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. (Chase slams locker with molecular kinesis) Whoo! Who's there? You don't know who you're messing with. I'm seven years older than everyone else here. Gotta go, gotta g-- Aah!
(Chase uses molecular kinesis to make all the lockers slam open and shut, Leo flicks the lights on and off)
Trent: (screaming) The ghost!
(Adam pushes row of lockers with super strength)
Trent: No! Please! No! (turns around to see Mrs. Thistle) Aaaahhh! (runs away)
(Mrs. Thistle goes back to her classroom and Leo turns the lights on)
Leo: That was incredible!
Chase: Amazing! It worked perfectly!
Adam: Whoo-hoo! Be right back. (starts walking out of room) Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
....
(in the gym)
(Bree walks in with a bag of decorations only to see that Owen has decorated the entire gym in a space theme)
Bree: What on Earth?
Owen: Actually, it's Mars. Is the red not red enough?
Bree: What is all of this?
Owen: Oh, I figured I'd do you a favor and handle all of the decorations. You are welcome.
Bree: But the theme is supposed to be the American Frontier.
Owen: You know, I thought about that. And technically, the new frontier is space! What do you think?
Bree: I hate it! I spent all night shopping for a Wild West theme. Do you know how hard it is to find a place that sells ten-gallon hats and spurs?
Owen: It can't be that hard. There's a place down the street called "Cowboys 'R' Us." Look, I knew you were in over your head and inspiration struck. So, I went with it. Again, you are welcome. (leaves)
(Bree uses her super speed to take down all of the space decorations, leaving them in one big pile)
Bree: No, no. You are welcome.
...
(in the school hallway)
(Trent is standing hesitantly by his locker while Adam, Chase, and Leo watch from across the room)
Leo: Check it out. He's afraid to open his own locker.
Adam: Ugh, so am I. My dirty gym clothes have been in there for a month.
Leo: Hey, watch this.
(Leo drops his book on the floor and Trent screams)
Trent: Ah! Why are you coming after me, ghost? Is it 'cause I'm a bully? I can change! I'm nice to my rabbit!
Chase: All right, Leo, I think Trent has had enough. We've been torturing him all day.
Leo: One day? He's been bullying me for years. So cancel your Christmas plans, boys, we're working.
Chase: Look at him, Leo.
(Trent is shown sitting down, rocking)
Chase: We've scared him so badly, he's a shell of a man.
Leo: Fine!
(Adam, Chase, and Leo walk over to Trent, and Leo taps him on the shoulder)
Trent: I'm not in the fetal position, you are!
Leo: Look, Trent, the lockers moving, it wasn't a ghost, it was us messing with you.
Trent: I know what I saw. No way that was you.
Chase: Trent, he's telling the truth. Ghosts aren't real.
Adam: Right. And neither are unicorns, leprechauns, or those grapes on top of the deli counter. (chuckles) Trust me on that.
Trent: Oh, yeah? Well, if ghosts aren't real, then why is that doing that?
(the circular bench is shown to be circling the hallway independently)
Chase: I...do not know.
Trent: Ghost! (runs out of room)
Leo: Chase, I thought you said he had enough.
Chase: That wasn't me!
Adam: Then who was it?
(blood begins to ooze out of the locker next to them)
Leo: (high-pitched) Ahh...ahh.
(the trash explodes across the room)
Chase: Whoa!
Leo: Ah!
(another trash can explodes and eerie yelling is heard)
Leo: (high-pitched) It's Jasper! (to Chase) You said there was no such thing as ghosts! All your smart guy credibility is shot! Shot!
Chase: There has to be some other explanation. Like, why that thing moved. It's an old school. Maybe the building settled.
Leo: Or maybe the ghost is targeting us.
Chase: It's not targeting us.
Adam: (pointing) Uh, guys.
(they turn to see their names written in blood on the wall opposite from them)
Chase: That could be any Adam, Chase, and Leo.
("I mean you!" is written on the wall in blood)
Chase: Okay. That's us. Run!
(Chase and Leo run out screaming)
Adam: You know, for a dead guy, he has lovely penmanship.
...
(in the gym)
(Owen walks in to find the gym completely redecorated in a Wild West theme)
Owen: Bree?
Bree: Oh! Howdy partner!
Owen: What happened?
Bree: Oh. Well, an artist once told me that when inspiration strikes, you gotta go with it. So I went with it.
Owen: This is not my conceptualization. This is an unraveling of particularity--
Bree: Lose the art speak.
Owen: I want my space stuff back!
Bree: Yeah, sure. It's, uh, over there. By the barrels.
Owen: You know what, Bree? I finally figured out what this is missing. May I?
(Owen grabs a paint brush and splatters red paint on a cowboy mannequin)
Owen: Better.
Bree: Okay. Since we're on the topic, I don't think Mars is red enough. (splatter Mars cutout with red paint)
Owen: Is that the best you've got?
Bree: Hardly. (paints Owen's face)
Owen: Remember when I said I wanted to paint you? (paints Bree's face)
(Bree and Owen get into a paint fight, before Bree dumps the entire can of paint over Owen's head)
Owen: Okay. Bree...I'm getting the sense you don't want my help here.
...
(in the lab)
Leo: Hey, guys, I looked it up and Perry's story is true. The tragedy happened the night of the homecoming dance. Here's a picture: Jasper Fargas.
(a picture of a man with long hair and a long beard is shown)
Adam: Oh, it's hideous! Gruesome!
Leo: Adam, that's before the accident.
Adam: (sighs) I know. I just really hate beards.
Chase: You know, I bet Jasper's planning something big for the dance.
Adam: Oh! Maybe it's a big ghost flash mob!
Chase: Perry said he would return for his revenge. And he's coming after us. We have to stop him.
Leo: Really? 'Cause between standing in the corner and avoiding eye contact with girls, I have a pretty full night planned.
Chase: Leo, there will be plenty of other dances for you to be alone and awkward at. Okay? How cool would it be if we proved that ghosts actually exist? This could be our only chance to capture him.
Leo: Wait, wait. Capture him? What, you want to keep him as a pet?
Adam: Look, I'll play with him and help feed him, but I'm not bagging his business.
Chase: Paranormal researchers say that apparitions present themselves in electromagnetic fields. So, I have EMF detectors, night-vision goggles, and special headphones that detect voice phenomena.
Adam: What can I play with? (puts on headphones)
Chase: Oh! Hey, guys, the dance starts in twenty minutes. Gear up!
Adam: Hey, these things work! I totally heard that!
Chase: I also rigged these ion blasters to triple the power. The current should momentarily paralyze the spirit.
Leo: Whoa! That ghost is goin' down! Or up, depending on what it believes.
Chase: Oh, guys, I forgot to build a containment device!
Adam: How about this? (picks up mini vacuum)
Leo: Oh, Adam, if the ghost is hiding between two couch cushions, we got him.
...
(at the school dance in the gym)
Owen: Bree.
Bree: (grabs object from table to use as a weapon) Hut!
Owen: I'm sorry I got carried away. But you know artists. Paint now, ask questions later. This looks really awesome.
Bree: Well, couldn't have done it without you...letting me do it without you.
(Adam, Chase, and Leo burst in the gym doors, wearing matching blue outfits and holding ion blasters)
Chase: Bree! Have you seen any apparitions, ethereal beings, phantasms? (Bree looks confused) Ghosts! Have you seen any ghosts?
Bree: What are you talking about? There's no such thing as ghosts.
Adam: Yes, there is. And I hope Jasper gets here soon. The men's room's out of toilet paper.
Chase: Hey, let's go check the hallway.
Adam: Yeah.
(Adam, Chase, and Leo start to walk out until Trent runs in screaming)
Trent: Help! You guys gotta hide me from the ghost!
Leo: Don't worry, Trent, we'll protect you.
Trent: Thanks.
Leo: Only if you promise never to mess with me again.
Trent: I can give you every other Tuesday off.
Leo: Pleasure doing business. Let's go, guys.
(Adam, Chase, and Leo walk out into the hallway and the door slams behind them)
Chase: What was that?
Adam: Door closed.
(the lights go out)
Leo: What was that?
Adam: The lights went out.
Chase & Leo: We know!
Adam: Well, then stop askin'.
Chase: My EMF readings are spiking. Jasper's coming. Quick! Put on your night-vision goggles!
Adam: (puts on goggles) Whoa! I see the ghost! (Chase freezes) He's really nerdy and he has stupid spiky hair! (Chase hits him) Ow!
Chase: Shut it! I'm listening for voice phenomena!
(footsteps are heard in the distance)
Leo: Who's footsteps are those?
Chase: Enough games, Jasper! Show your face!
Adam: Yeah! And you better have shaved that nasty beard!
(an apparition of Jasper appears on the stairs)
Chase: Blasters out! Blasters out!
Adam: Wait! We should at least give Jasper a chance to explain himself. To prove he's friendly.
(Jasper's apparition starts screaming)
Adam: Okay, you're not helping. Work with me, dude.
(Jasper continues to scream, and leans forward. Adam, Chase, and Leo run into the gym screaming)
Leo: Run for your lives!
(Leo blasts the Jasper apparition and everyone starts running and screaming. Adam, Chase, and Leo blast the apparition for some time)
Bree: Brothers ruin everything.
Owen: At least we have these barrels to hide behind. You are welcome.
Chase: Yo, Jasper! Get out your mop...!
Leo: ...'Cause it's about to get messy!
(Chase and Leo stand across from each other and blast Jasper. The blast passes harmlessly through Jasper and electrocutes Leo and Chase instead, making them fall to the floor)
Leo: Aah! (to girls across the room) What? Never seen a kid in a ghostbusting outfit twitching on the floor before?
Chase: Adam, suck it up!
Adam: Chase, I'm being as brave as I can!
Chase: The ghost! Suck up the ghost!
Adam: Oh, right!
Chase: Quick, it's getting away!
(Adam uses the mini-vacuum to attempt to suck up the ghost. He ends up dismantling the black sheet in the corner, revealing Perry and a man that looks like Jasper)
Perry: Hello. Everyone having a nice homecoming?
Leo: Principal Perry? You're the ghost?
Chase: I thought you were on vacation.
Perry: I am. Truth be told, I can't think of a more enjoyable way to relax than scaring kids.
Bree: How are you still employed?
Perry: I don't know.
Leo: So, who's that guy?
Perry: Tom Baumgarten. He owns a special effects house. We met when I had a small role in Space Wars!
Leo: I thought I recognized you! You were one of the fuzzy forest creatures!
Perry: Yeah. I'd do the harvest dance for you, but I save that for fan conventions.
Leo: Smart.
Perry: Anywho, Tom's the real genius behind this. I just push the buttons and laugh. (laughs)
Chase: So, wait, if you just wanted to mess with everyone, then why'd you come after the three of us?
Perry: Scaring kids is my thing! You're stepping on my turf! Although that lockers thing with Trent is genius. I still haven't figured out how you did it.
Chase: A true magician never reveals his tricks.
Adam: I pushed it!
(Trent comes out from his hiding place behind the door)
Trent: Wait a minute. I am so confused. Ghosts are real: Yes or no?
All: No!
Trent: So you guys were messing with me?
All: Yes!
Trent: (to Perry) And you were messing with me?
Perry: Eh, walk it off, Mitzi. (walks away)
Trent: Deal's off, Dooley. I hope you like wearing your underwear as a hat, because that is where it's gonna be. A-yo! Undie head! (runs out of the room)
Adam: An underwear hat! How could I not think of that?
...
(in the gym)
(the dance is over and Adam and Chase are wheeling the special effects controller across the room)
Adam: I don't understand how this works. You go to all this trouble to terrorize us and we have to help you take it all apart?
Perry: So, you do understand how it works.
Chase: The Spanish club couldn't go on their annual trip, yet you can afford this?
Perry: Hey, if I can't go to Vegas, they can't go to Spain. Hmm, every ten years a new group of losers falls for my ghost bit, and every ten years it brings me more and more joy!
(Mrs. Thistle blasts Perry with one of the ion blasters)
Perry: Aah! (falls to the ground twitching)
Mrs. Thistle: It wasn't funny twenty years ago and it's not funny now.
Adam: Oh!
Chase: Oh!
(they high-five)