Animal Attraction/Transcript

% Mechanical whirring.

Sr.: Ah, the life of villany is most exciting, is it not, my son?

Jr.: If I want flashing lights, I go to the discotheque.

Sr.: In moments, the experimental prototype inside will be ours.

% Beeping.

Jr.: ( Sighs ) Could you not simply buy this fancy prototype online?

Sr.: You and your internet! Some things are best done the old-fashioned way, Junior!

Kim: Senor Senior, Sr.

Sr.: Ah, Kim Possible, my feisty teen nemesis. You complete me.

% Footsteps.

Ron: Don't forget me.

Sr.: Yes, of course. Ron Stoppable.

Jr.: Yeah, I'm not so good with the faces.

Kim: Surrender, Senor Senior... Sr.

Sr.: I must respectfully decline, but well played, Kim Possible. Well played. But the next time, you will not be so lucky.

% Beeping, explosion.

Ron: ( Gasping )

Sr.: Until then... be well!

Ron: Bad man. Good manners.

Boy#1: I came out a green guppy.

Girl#1: Like, a total red ferret.

Amelia: Okay, at a fork in the road, you stop.

Ron: Kim, I need some advice. "You're embarking on a journey that will change your life. What snacks would you bring along?"

Kim: Don't tell me you got sucked in by this Animology craze.

Ron: "Craze"? I think not. Animology is a window into your innermost self.

Kim: Ron, it's a lame cross between astrology and a personality quiz.

Ron: Not even close. Animology assigns you a color and an animal. It's science, Kim.

Kim: Thanks, but I have a life.

Ron: It predicts your perfect mate. Tell me you don't wanna know your perfect mate.

Kim: Not if he's some... blue baboon!

Ron: Don't even joke, Kim. A blue baboon would be disastrous for you.

Kim: ( Sighs ) I pass on the fad, Ron. Okay, let's get started.

Bonnie: Do you mind? Some of us are trying to concentrate.

Jr.: I cannot wait to unlock my innermost self!

Sr.: I would prefer to unlock that vault in the weapons research facility. Oh, dear, here comes that pompous... Philippe! Philippe Boullion! Won't you join us for some lunch?

Philippe: My pleasure, Senor Senior, Sr. You so rarely make it to the club these days.

Sr.: I have an active retirement.

Philippe: Indeed. I understand your latest "hobby" is quite unique.

Jr.: Father wants to conquer the world.

Philippe: Well, who doesn't? But the Billionaire's Club prizes...discretion and obscenely large personal fortunes.

Sr.: I assure you, Philippe, though my pastime is pricey, I still possess the requisite billions for club membership.

Philippe: Of course... We checked.

Sr.: Then, how can I help you?

Philippe: Senor... A member in a melee with an American cheerleader? It reflects, how shall I say? Poorly on the club.

Sr.: What are you saying, Phillipe?

Philippe: That I am revoking your club membership. I'll take that.

% Bell ringing.

Bonnie: Amelia! Over here!

Amelia: I heard you're a lavendar mouse. I'm a red otter. Major conflict.

Kim: ( Slurping )

Ron: I finished the Animology test.

Kim: Lemme guess. Blue baboon?

Ron: Worse. I'm a pink sloth, Kim.

Kim: A pink sloth?

Ron: Sloth! The lowest of the low. "The pink sloth is an outcast, a follower, socially inept and smellsof overripe fruit!" I do not smell of overripe fruit!

Rufus: ( Choking )

Ron: I wonder if they have a pink naked mole rat.

Kim: ( Gasps ) Ron, your stupid book! Hmm... "You arrive at the multiplex, only to find that the movie you've come to see is sold out." Hmm.

Jr.: Father, if I was a tree, which tree do you think I would be?

Sr.: One that would be banned from the billionaire club, Junior. This insult gives me no choice but revenge!

Jr.: There are other clubs for the obscenly wealthy.

Sr.: Not the point. World-class villains are defined by disproportionate revenge. Perhaps I engineer a crash of financial markets that freezes the club's assets.

Jr.: ( Chuckles ) That would require a large freezer.

Sr.: I was not speaking literally, my son. ( Sipping ) Or was I?

Jim: Let's eat!

Kim's Mom: What is taking Kim so long?

Kim's Dad: She's working on some big test. Didn't catch the subject.

Kim: This should not be this hard. If the movie I want to see is sold out, I leave. But that makes me seem stubborn. I'll see something else. That's flexible. Or, it could mean I'm weak.

Kim's Mom: Kimmy, aren't you coming down to dinner?

Kim: Just start without me, Mom. I'm totally swamped!

Kim's Mom: What exactly is swamping you?

Kim: Animology. It says what kind of person you are. Not that I believe it. It's just for laughs.

Kim's Mom: Sounds like fun. I'll put your plate in the microwave.

Kim: Thanks, Mom. I'll just be a few.

Kim's Mom: Go to bed, Kim.

Kim: Night, Mom. Love you. "A mysterious stranger calls your name. You're most likely to..." I'm a blue fox, Dad.

Kim's Dad: Uh... super. Did you know that the blue fox is a born leader? "Can't resist a challenge, driven to excel... a perfectionist."

Kim's Mom: That explains the all-nighter.

Kim's Dad: Hold the phone! "The perfect soulmate of the blue fox is the yellow trout." Soulmate. I think Kimmy's a bit young to be looking for a "soulmate," or any kind of mate.

Kim's Mom: In a few days, Kimmy will have forgotten all about yellow trouts. This whole Animology business is just a silly teen fad.

Kim's Dad: Hmm... If you say so. So, uh... What are you?

Kim's Mom: Teal cat. You?

Kim's Dad: Beige raccoon.

Both: Soulmates!

Boy#1: I'm a yellow... bear, which is cool.

Amelia: Guess what? That hottie in english is a yellow... rabbit!

Ron: You were right, K.P. Animology is completely bogus.

Rufus: Pah! Bogus!

Kim: I don't know if I'd go that...

Ron: Because there is no way Ron Stoppable is a pink sloth.

Wade: Kim. I got that info you wanted.

Kim: Oh, no big. Just give it to me later.

Wade: But you said it was the highest priority. "Utmost rush"?

Kim: Whenever's fine.

Ron: No, no, no. Go ahead, Wade. Important news will be a welcome break from this Animology garbage.

Wade: Okay, I checked all school databases, Kim, but there's no way to tell who's a yellow trout.

Ron: You took the test?

Kim: I'm a blue fox. I can't resist a challenge.

Ron: I can't believe you are into Animology.

Kim: I am not "into" it, Ron. I took the test for laughs. No big.

% Kimmunicator beeps.

Kim: Who's the yellow trout?

Ron: So into it.

Wade: Still looking, but you did get an interesting hit on the site. From Pop Pop Porter.

Kim: Who?

Ron: Shame on you, K.P. Pop Pop is the genius revolutionized the heat-and-eat snack industry.

Wade: Pop Pop's Mini Corn Dogs?

Ron: Nature's perfect food.

Kim: Have you ever read what's in them?

Ron: That would be stupid.

Kim: I avoid fried foods.

Ron: Never fried! Flash-frozen.

Wade: Streaming the video.

Pop Pop: I need your help, little lady. Someone stole my state- of-the-art flash-freezing cryovator.

Ron: No flash-freezer? That means no mini corn dogs!

Wade: No bite-sized goodness?

Boys: No!!

Kim: Pull yourself together and get me the downlow on this cryovator.

Wade: I have this commercial.

Commercial: ( Singing )

Are you hungry?

Then dive right in

Our mini corn dogs are a man's best friend

These bite-sized doggies are sure to please

Made from Pop Pop'scorny secret recipe

We flash-freeze the flavor

That's why they're guaranteed

Pop Pop Porter's mini corn dogs

Pop Pop: Flash-frozen flavor, folks.

Ron: You gotta love little corn doggie.

Kim: Yeah... Okay. We'll need a ride.

Wade: Pop Pop's on it.

% Engine approaching.

Ron: Dang! That's a big little corn doggie.

Pop Pop: Here we are, little lady. The scene of the crime.

Kim: ( Sniffling )

Ron: ( Sobbing )

Rufus: ( Wailing )

Kim: Do you smell that?

Ron: ( Sniffling )

Pop Pop: Are you feeling right, son?

Ron: It's too heinous for words. I just love your product!

Pop Pop: Don't do that.

Kim: It smells so... ( Sniffs ) familiar. Wade, I need an air quality analysis.

Wade: Activating olfactory sensors.

% Snorting.

Pop Pop: The real shame is that these little doggies'll go to waste, unless somebody eats 'em, and soon.

% Ron, Rufus groan.

% Kimmunicator beeps.

Kim: Go, Wade.

Wade: That smell? Cologne. Very expensive. Custom-blended for an exclusive clientele. Guess who's on the list.

Kim: Senor Senior, Jr.

Wade: Right.

Ron: The Senor's plan is pure evil. Wait until the world is in a mini corn dog famine, then make us pay, pay big.

Kim: Senor Senior's after something bigger than mini corn dogs.

Ron: What could be biggerthan mimi corn dogs?

Kim: You are such a pink sloth.

Ron: One: Animology is bogus, and two: Senior's after corn dogs.

Kim: Is not, is not. Look at this lair. He's all about big crimes.

Ron: Mini corn dogs.

Kim: Crime.

Ron: Corn dog.

Kim: Crime. Ron! Look! The cryovator.

Ron: Snack thief!

Kim: Shh! ( Sniffing ) The cologne!

Ron: ( Screaming )

Both: ( Yelling )

Rufus: ( Squealing )

Both: ( Struggling )

Sr.: Ah, Kim Possible. And so our little game of cat and mouse goes on, eh?

Ron: Are we the cat or the mouse?

Jr.: ( Laughing ) Mouse.

Ron: But we were stalking you. That's cattish, my friend.

Jr.: This is a good point.

Kim: No, it's not.

Ron: Let the corn dogs go, Senor Senior!

Sr.: Dear boy, this is not about tiny breaded sausages.

Kim: Mmm-hmm.

Ron: You blue foxes think you know everything.

Jr.: Blue fox? You study the Animology?

Sr.: Oh, please, Junior. Do not start. The time has come to prove my villainous mettle. First, I will flash-freeze you.

Ron: You don't need to prove anything.

Sr.: Well, that is very kind, but... it is part of my plan. You

understand.

% Beeping.

% Mechanical whirring.

% Screaming.

Sr.: Next, I will freeze the billionaire's club from which I was so rudely ejected.

Ron: You're doing all this just to tweak some other rich guys?

Sr.: Yes. Wonderful, isn't it?

Kim: You can freeze us, but there is no way Pop Pop Poter's little cryovator can freeze an entire building.

Sr.: Actually, it's more of an island. Which is why we studied Pop Pop's cryovation technology to create... this.

Kim: That oughta do it.

Ron: Do you realize the jumbo mini corn dogs you could flash-freeze with that... Ow!

Sr.: ( Sighs ) I will miss our fearsome rivalry, Kim Possible. Come, Junior. Junior!

Jr.: Father! I am the yellow trout!

Kim: ( Shuddering ) No!! Junior's a yellow trout?! Gross!

Ron: K.P., don't you think we have bigger problems?

Kim: My perfect match cannot be Senor Senior, Jr.

Ron: I'm sure you'll be happy together... if he can defrost you!

Kim: Rufus! Push the red button!

Rufus: ( Straining )

Kim: He's too light!

Ron: Rufus! Look in my pocket. Scarf 'em!

% Gulping, panting.

% Gulping, panting.

% Gulping, panting.

Rufus: Ah!

% Sloshing.

Kim: Hurry, Rufus!

Rufus: ( Straining )

Ron: Now I'm cold.

% Machinery winding down.

Rufus: ( Sighing )

Kim: Good little hairless rodent.

Rufus: ( Groaning )

Ron: Corn dogs rock! Why can't I feel my feet? I've got footsicles! Maybe if I...whoa, whoa! Whoa!

% Crashing.

% Ron struggling.

Kim: We need to find something to get us to the Billionaire's club.

Ron: I think we'll manage.

Kim: If Animology says that Senor Senior, Jr.'s my soulmate, I say, forget Animology.

Ron: Done and done.

Rufus: ( High-pitched raspberry ) ( Shrieking )

Ron: Rufus!

Rufus: ( Screaming ) Whoa! ( Yelling )

Ron: Buddy, are you all right?

Rufus: Whoo-hoo!

Philippe: Well, he knows he's not welcome here. Senor Senior, Sr. won't darken our door again.

% Helicopter buzzing.

Sr.: Release the tether line, Junior. Junior!

Jr.: It says the yellow trout cares only about himself. They make that sound like a bad thing.

Sr.: Activate the solar panels. Initiate freezer start-up.

% Panicked screams.

Philippe: My caviar! It's Beluga... ow!

Sr.: I am revoking your club, Bouillon!

Jr.: My perfect match is the blue fox. I'd like to know this blue fox person.

% Kimmunicator beeps.

Kim: Wade, what have you got?

Wade: This giant cryovator's solar-powered. No plug to pull!

Kim: So what can we do?

Wade: Destroy it?

Ron: Follow the money?

Jr.: Did we not leave Kim Possible on a conveyor belt to her doom?

Sr.: Yes. A proper villain always leaves his foe when he's about to expire.

Jr.: Why?

Sr.: Well, it would be bad form just to lull about, waiting for it.

Jr.: Why?

Sr.: Tradition! She's really testing my patience, this Kim Possible.

Philippe: Help! Anybody?

Kim: I'll get you! Okay, this is gonna get a little warm.

Philippe: ( Screaming ) Yeow!! You wouldn't want to dash in and fetch my caviar, would you? I thought not.

Kim: Look out!

Jr.: Why did you not just aim the laser at their bodies?

Sr.: Junior, if you do not understand the traditions of villainy, I have failed as a father.

% Beeping.

Ron: You blue foxesthink you know everything.

Sr.: Farewell, Kim Possible. It's been, as you say, a blast!

Ron: You blue foxes... ( Echoing ) Blue foxes... Blue foxes...

Jr.: ( Shrieking ) No!! You must not harm my blue fox!

Kim: Get down!

Sr.: Do you understand why I am angry?

Jr.: Kim Possible, you are the blue fox. I am the yellow trout. We are meant to be. We are... soulmates!

Sr.: Junior! Dating an arch foe is... spitting upon villain tradition.

Jr.: But, father!

Sr.: Back to the lair with you! Tradition dictates we must begin to plot our revenge immediately!

Kim: Wow. I think my blue fox thing has just saved us.

Ron: That was weird.

Kim: I guess Animology isn't all bad. Wade?

Wade: Morning, Kim. Did you get the flowers?

Kim: Uh, yeah.

Wade: There's an e-card. I'll stream it.

Jr.: My blue fox, I count the hours until my father's criminal activities bring us near again. Mwah!

Wade: That is so beautiful! ( Laughing )

Kim: And so, yellow trout.

Ron: I don't want to hear another word about Animology! Ron Stoppable is no pink sloth!

Amelia: Whew! That's a relief. A pink sloth is supposed to be my soulmate.

Ron: Soul...?! Amelia! Wait! I'm a textbook sloth! Outcast, follower, socially inept! I smell like corn dogs! We're made for each other!