“If President Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim, let me assure you the dude is the worst Muslim of all time. He eats bacon openly, drinks alcohol, never recites the Quran while facing Mecca, believes Jesus Christ is his savior, goes to church, and says he is a Christian. It's safe to say we won't be naming him our caliph after we take over America one Subway and halal food cart at a time.”