This article is a transcript of the "Camp Lazlo episode "Lights Out" from season 1. (Episode starts at Camp Kidney where it is already sunset)
Lumpus (off screen): SLINKMAAAAAAAN!!! WHERE’S THE-
Slinkman: Package, sir.
Lumpus: My Lookey Loo 6000 is here! The most advanced telescope known to man.
Slinkman (while placing the package on the desk): Uhh.. yeah. What’s it for?
Lumpus (pointing at the newspaper): Don’t you read the paper?
Slinkman (reading the newspaper): “Lumpus comet to pass at eleven-o-two tonight”.
Lumpus: It only comes around once every 50,000 years…
Slinkman: You’ve got a comet named after you?
Lumpus: Phuer, yeees! (reaches to his pocket in his shirt (with a bunch of animals screeching)) My mommy named a comet after me for my fifth birthday. (takes out certificate) I even got a certificate!
(transition to Lumpus’ flashback)
Lumpus’ Mom: Awww happy birthday honey! I named a COMET after you!
Kid Lumpus: I wanted a bicycle… :(
Lumpus’ Dad: You are getting a comet, AND YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT!
(transition back to present day)
Lumpus: So you see, Slinkman, that comet means a lot to me..
Slinkman: Shall I invite the bean scouts to watch too?
Lumpus: Sure! …WHAT?!?! NO!!! (pushes Slinkman out of the cabin) It’s MY comet, I got it for MY birthday, so I am the ONLY ONE who gets to see it.
Slinkman: yyyeah.
Lumpus (in the distance): AND PUT TOGETHER MY TELESCOPE!!!
(package lands in Slinkman’s hands)
(transition to night time, Slinkman is finishing up building the telescope)
Lumpus: SLINKMAN! Aren't you done with that?!
Slinkman: All done s-sir.
Lumpus: Now… I can’t have ANY LIGHT obscuring MY comet. I want you to announce LIGHT OUT for the whole camp!
(Cuts to the speakers as a bird falls out of them)
Slinkman: Attention, campers, lights out for everybody.
(every cabin shuts their lights off, except for the Jelly bean scouts)
(cuts inside their cabin)
Lazlo: Alright, Jellybeans! Hot lava has spilled into our cabin. And if you touch the floor, you’re… CRISPY BACON!
Raj (jumping onto a shelf): JIH! I am allergic to bacon! If I was to turn into bacon, I’d be allergic to myself!
Clam: You’d be not alive!
Lazlo: Not just not alive… (jumps and hangs on Clam’s feet) You’d be a legend!
Raj: Legend?? I like the sound of that!
(Lazlo is about to slip off of Clam’s feet)
Lazlo: Oh no, Clam! Slipping!!
Raj: LAZLO, MY FRIEND! HOLD ON!!
Lazlo (holding on to Clam’s foot with his finger): Tell my wife I love her…
(Lazlo finally slips off)
Lazlo: HOT!! LAVA!! (lands on floor and imitates getting melted) NOOOOO!!!
Raj: AAAHH!! THE HORROR!! THE HOOORROOOOR!!!!! I cannot look!
Lazlo: wait a minute… this isn’t not.
Raj: Ouugh… what a relief! We can get down, right?
Clam: Cold lava.
Lazlo: Ooooh Claaam, you’re riiiight. And EVERYONE knows what THAT means!!
Raj (touches floor with his foot): What??
Lazlo: I GOTTA TURN ON ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE CABIN!!
(Lazlo runs to turn on every light in the cabin)
Lazlo: Clam’s flashlight, my lamp, aaaand….. Raj’soverpowerednightlight!
Raj: Oh good golly Ms. Molly! I would be up all night cutting out all my new bug bites.
(Clam turns on a neon light, which resembles Lumpus)
Clam: Pretty!
(cuts outside of the Jelly beanscouts’ cabin illuminating so much, then we pan to Lumpus on his telescope)
Lumpus (singing): Twinkle twinkle little… comet. How I wonder where you are.
Lumpus (adjusting his telescope): I see, uhh.. right quadrant left, move to the equator of the center… no, more. Here, more.. There! Perfectly aligned!
(suddenly, light illuminates and blocks the telescope view)
Lumpus: Wait a minute.. What happened to the sky?? Everything is gone!! (jumps off telescope)
Lumpus: You piece of JUNK! (kicks the telescope, whilst hurting his foot) OOWWW!!! Wait a minute… It’s not the telescope… Its that light over there! SLINKMAN!!
(Slinkman suddenly emerges, startling Lumpus)
Slinkman: Right here, sir.
Lumpus: You see that light on in the camp, Slinkman?
Slinkman: Yes, sir.
Lumpus: I WANT IT DARK OVER THERE!
Slinkman: Yessir.
…
Lumpus: NOOOWW, SLINKMAN!!!
(Slinkman runs off, as the light shuts off)
Lumpus: ah, now everything is clear again.
(light turns on yet again, covering up the screen)
Lumpus: AAAAAAAAAAHAAGHGHG!!!!!!
it cuts to Slinkman doing shadow puppets with Lumpus and Slinkman himself as the puppets
Slinkman (imitating Lumpus): Grumble, Grumble, Grumble. I am very annoyed! Slinkmaaan! SlinkmaaAAAN!!
Lazlo: AHAHAHAHAA!!! I LOVE THIS PART!
Slinkman (imitating himself): R-reporting for duty, sir.
Slinkman as Lumpus: I thought I told you to order the jellybeans lights out!
Slinkman as himself: I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight.
Slinkman as Lumpus: ahe-ahe-ahem.
Lumpus (off screen): SLINKMAN!
(slinkman slowly rises up, as the projector turns off.)
(cuts to Lumpus)
Lumpus: SLINKMAAHN!
(The jellybean scouts turn around)
Slinkman: R-reporting for duty, sir.
Lumpus: I thought I told you to order the JELLYBEANS LIGHTS OUT!!
Slinkman: I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight.
Lumpus: ahe-ahe-ahem.
(The jellybean scouts start cheering since they replicated the same scene as in the shadow puppet show)
(We cut to a closeup of Lumpus’ face, who looks extremely tired.)
Lumpus (in mind): Easy, Lumpus… they’re just beanscouts. No smarter than plants…
Lumpus: Listen, Campers, young cadets (rubs Lazlo’s head), little.. Uh… tender feet. Loyal beanscouts just have to turn the lights OUT when ordered! (Lazlo smiles) Thaats a good little monkey! Aaand a good little… elephant boy. (covers Raj with blanket, though his trunk comes out) And a good little….. Whatever you are. (Lumpus tries to cover Clam, but his horns rip it in half.) eugh.
(lumpus is about to leave the cabin)
Lumpus: Dismissed! (turns lights off and shuts door)
(cuts back to Lumpus adjusting his telescope)
Lumpus: Two clicks to the left… a furlong to the north.. Perfect!
(light illuminates the sight yet again)
Lumpus: WAAAAHRARGHGAHRGH!!!
(cuts to Lumpus running to the cabin)
Lumpus: I TOLD THOSE BEANSCOUTS LIGHTS (catches his neck to a tree branch) OOUUWW! Ugh-
(Cuts inside the cabin, where Lazlo has his lamp on, Lumpus opens the door aggressively)
Lumpus: WHAT IS IT NOOOWW!??!
Lazlo: I wanted your permission to get a glass of water, Scoutmaster Lumpus.
Lumpus: You mean like the one right there?
Lazlo: Oh, yes! (Puts his goldfish in the glass of water) Here ya go, heheh.
(Cuts to an annoyed Lumpus, then cuts back to Lazlo, putting the glass on his desk)
Lazlo: Sweet dreams! (snores)
Lumpus: Lights! Out! (closes door)
(lights turn off, Lumpus rushes back to the telescope)
Slinkman: Almost time for the comet, sir.
(light switches on, yet again.)
Lumpus: RRAAAHGHAGBLBADAGAHGAGLB!!!! (runs past Slinkman, as his eyes get tangled)
Lumpus: WHAT ARE YOU LITTLE TERMITES UP TO NOOOWW?!?!
Raj: It’s my blanket, sir. It’s HoRrIbLe!
Lumpus: What do you mean the B L A N K E T ?
Raj: It’s the wrong one, sir! This is my MONDAY blanket. But what I need tonight is my FRIDAY blanket!
Lumpus: Then why don’t you E X C H A N G E the blanket, and GO TO SLEEP!!!
Raj: Right away, sir.
(he reaches to his shelf and takes out his friday blanket. Lumpus checks his watch.)
Lumpus: LIGHTS OUT!!!
(Raj turns the light off)
(we cut to the pov of the telescope)
Lumpus: It should be around here somewhere… little more to the right, mmhmm.. Yes yes! I got it right he- (and AGAIN.. The lights turn on) GAEAGHRGH-
(Lumpus opens the cabin door, looking exhausted.)
Lumpus: What. Can it. Possibly. Be. This time?
Lazlo: It’s Clam, sir. He can’t fall asleep without a story!
Clam: Story!
Lumpus (stomping towards clam): ALRIGHT LETS GO!
(Lumpus opens the comically large book and “reads” it)
Lumpus (“reading”): They look for the monster, blah blah blah, they find it, blah blah blah, they catch it, BLAH BLAH BLAH, THE END!!!
(the scouts go back to sleep and Lumpus goes to turn the lights off)
Lumpus: Lights out!
(just as lumpus is about to leave the stair of the cabin, the lights, yes, AGAIN, turn on.)
(Lumpus angrily opens the door again, and cuts to Clam, holding another book that is blue.)
Clam: Another story!! Sequel!!
Lumpus: alright kids… I give up.. I’m gonna level with you. You have to understand that tonight I need you to turn all the lights off.
Lazlo: Why tonight, sir?
Lumpus: Because tonight is a very special night! Thats it! Tonight is the night when…
(Clam, Lazlo, and Raj look at each other)
Lumpus: I need sleep! And if there is a tiny bit of light, well I just CAN’T sleep! And THAT wouldn’t be good for anyone, would it? Little squirts…
(The Jellybeans nod a “no”)
Lumpus: THEN LIGHTS OUT!!! (lights turn off)
(we see Lumpus walking back to the telescope)
Lumpus: huuwrehuehhrehuwruheweru…
(When Lumpus tries to turn the Telescope, it turns out, it got jammed, and he cant turn it.)
Lumpus: Hrrgh! What is going on now? This stupid thing is stuck, and I can’t see a THING!
(he gets off from the telescope and gets a lighting match)
Lumpus: Oh I see… it's a rusted screw!
(cuts to the cabin, where Raj is looking out the window.)
Raj: Lazlo! Come quick!! There is a light outside!!
(Lazlo rushes to the windowto see it)
Lazlo: Wooow!
(Clam comes too)
Raj: What could it be??
Lazlo: I don’t know, but it’s so bright! It’s gonna keep Scoutmaster Lumpus awake all night!!
Raj: Whatisit? Whatisit? WHATISIT??
Clam: Forest fire:
Raj: FOREST FIRE??? AH!!
Lazlo: HE’S RIGHT!! I CAN SEE THE HUGE FLAMES FROM HERE!!!
(Cuts to Lumpus unscrewing the screw)
Lumpus: There! Now THAT oughta- (gets splashed with water.) WHAT THE?!!? (gets splashed with even more water, leaving him soaking wet, he looks at the jellybeans.)
Lazlo: Fire’s out, sir! Can we get our forestry badge, sir?
(Lumpus gets furious and utters out gibberish, then orders the beanscouts to go back to their cabin by pointing at it.)
Raj: Hey Lazlo?
Lazlo: Yeah, Raj?
Raj: Did you see that big…metal thing that Lumpus had out there in the field?
Lumpus: I sure did.
Raj: What do you think that was?
Lazlo: Hm.. let me think… Oh yeah! He’s got a cannon!
Raj: Oooooh, a cannon! What’s it pointing at?
Lazlo: Uuuuhhh…
Clam: Moo. Moo. The Moon.
Raj: Why would he point a cannon at the moon?
Lazlo: LUMPUS WANT TO BLOW UP THE MOON!!!
Clam: Blow up the moon!
Raj: WHAAAAT?!
Lazlo: THE LIGHT FROM THE MOON! IT'S TOO BRIGHT FOR LIGHTS OUT!!
Raj: HE CANNOT DO THAT!! WE LOVE THE MOON!
(Lazlo starts to cry)
Raj: CLAM! WE HAVE TO SAVE THE MOON!!
Clam: Save the moon! Save the moon!
(all the jellybeans start to cry)
Lumpus: YYEEEESSS thats iit!! PERFECT!! It’s almost time.. Any minute now I will see my precious comet!
(we see lazlo sitting on a fake moon rising down, looking sad, showing a peace sign)
Lazlo: Scoutmaster Lumpus? Please don’t shoot the moon.
Lumpus: WHAAT??
(we cut to Raj and Clam who are holding protest signs that read “Save the Moon” and “We ❤️ the moon” and chanting “SAVE THE MOON!! DONT SHOOT THE MOON!! WE’RE LOONING FOR THE LOONA!”)
(Scoutmaster Lumpus doesn’t know what to do anymore, so he kneels down on the ground and screams at the sky)
Lumpus: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE BEANSCOOOUUTTSS???? (sobs)
Lumpus (getting up): okay.. Let me tell you the truth, NOT the truth from before but the NEW truth. There is a comet that my mommy named after me. Lumpus comet, ya see? Only passes this earth once every 50,000 years.
(The comet suddenly emerges from the sky)
Lumpus: And what I want to do, is watch it, alone, in the dark, with my new telescope.
(the jelly bean scouts look at the comet in awe)
(While Lumpus talks, the comet flies around doing tricks, like making loops, zig zags, shooting fireworks, etc.)
Lumpus: This is very important to me. As I said, ive been waiting a very long time for this amazing event. And every time, it happens one every- …what’s the matter with you kids??
(cuts to the jellybeans, still looking at the comet)
Lumpus: You aren’t even looking at me! (The comet in the background waves dozens of flags and sounds horns.)
(the Jelly beans wave a goodbye to the comet, and so does the comet itself)
Lumpus: HEY! Why are you waving?! I didn’t dismiss you!!
(just as the comet is about to leave. Lumpus suddenly turns around to see the last seconds of it. He is in shock, realizing he will never, ever see it again.)
(the jellybeans cheer)
Lazlo: Did you see the part where Lumpus comet opened up and turned into a giant eyeball??
Raj: That was… Spiritual!!!
Lazlo: 50,000 years!!!
Clam: Once in a lifetime!
(While Lumpus still stares at the sky in disbelief, the telescope slowly lowers down itself, then bolks on Lumpus’ head, crushing him)
Lumpus: ouch.
(End of episode)