Almondine: Who is that desperate bird? That desperate bird is me, and mu name... is Almondine. Six hours ago, I was just another Squirrel Scout.
Toodie: Hey Almondine! Are you ready for the annual Acorn Flats Wig Out?
Almondine: (her head spins) Sure am. (narrating) Or at least an owl Squirrel Scout with a gifted third vertebrae. Yes, the Wig Out. A special night when girls dress up with their finest wigs, and get to be pretty.
I've been working on my wig for two weeks straight, and I was pretty sure I nailed it.
Ms. Mucus: Ladies, how do we all feel about Almondine's wig?
Nina: Ugh, the hat. What were you thinking?
Almondine: It's to keep the wig warm. I'm just trying to be practical.
Ms. Mucus: People are driving hundreds of miles to the Wig Out, and they ain't comin' for practical. They want the pretty. Right, gals?
Toodie: Like flowers!
Rachel: Telephones!
Ms. Mucus: Someone get Almondine some curlers. She's got work to do.
Patsy: We got six hours to go. Are you sure you have something pretty?
Almondine: No problem.
Patsy: Oh, good. 'cause if your wig's not pretty, it'll ruin the whole wig out. (laughs)
Almondine: (narrating) "Pretty." There was that word again. I had no idea what it meant.
Ms. Mucus: You're late!
Almondine: I'm ready.
Ms. Mucus: You can't go out there lookin' like that!
Almondine: Oh, can't I?
(Almondine rises through a trapdoor in the middle of the stage. Crowd gasps. Almondine hits the play button on a boombox. Disco music.)
: Why isn't she wearing a wig?!
: I did not drive 300 miles just to see a little girl's dead spin!
Patsy: Maybe it wasn't pretty, but it was 100-percent Almondine.
Almondine: Yeah, well, I may not be pretty, but I'm gorgeous! Just the way I am!
Patsy: Yes! That's what I'm talking about! Gorgeous!
: Well, how can you be gorgeous without wearing a wig?
Amber: These wigs don't make us pretty or gorgeous. See?
Nina: Or these.
Gretchen: Yeah, or this.
Toodie: Yeah! We don't need all this stuff! (giggles)
: Will you girls please, put your stuff back on.
Patsy: No we won't! This is who we are! Take it, or leave it!
: We'll leave it. tourists precede to walk away offscreen)