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Spanish-Language movies and shows
Reviews
Jack & Diane (2012)
Didn't even get that far
I tried to watch this movie, but after a few minutes in I had to stop. The idea is somewhat interesting, but it's too slow and boring to keep your interest. Very quickly you realize that you don't really care about the two leads romance. Somehow, it's triggers one of them to become a werewolf. She must be in heat or something.
Juno Temple and Riley Keough aren't bad actresses (although I do wish the former picked better roles to star in) the problem is the script itself. The dialogue isn't that interesting to hear. Nothing really happens through the film. I get it's a slow burn, but it's too slow and not engaging.
If I haven't made myself clear, skip this star-crossed flick.
Can of Worms (1999)
Not a movie I'd watch on the channel
It's not awful, but it's not a movie I'd watch again. It's one of you those you just have to see once to believe. It's pretty bizarre (and not exactly in a good way).
The story's about a kid named Michael (Mike) Pillsbury who doesn't feel like he belongs on earth. He's a smart yet awkward, nerdy kid.
He feels so out of place that he even thinks he's from another planet. He's part of the football team (despite clearly not being fit for it because his dad makes him). One night after getting humiliated during a dance, he sends a message in space demanding to be taken elsewhere.
At first he thought nothing of it, but the next day, a dog named Barnabas appears followed by other weird aliens. Each one has their own reason for seeking him. From then on, things get more and more bizarre.
Disney Channel movies are very hit or miss (often the latter) and this is one of them. Despite being a sci-fi film, the aliens aren't focused on until towards the end. Mike can get annoying at times, but towards the end he tones it down a lot.
The acting of most of the cast seems off. The parents are surprisingly cheery even when he's going through all sorts of insanity. It's weird. How are they fine with him having a huge satellite dish in their backyard. They're surprisingly chill when it literally explodes due to a lightning strike. The sister's the typical annoying sister. Thank god she doesn't appear much, because she never shuts up. I get it's a kids movie, but I doubt even kids would stick around that long throughout this film. It's so bizarre that it doesn't really make you want to see the ending. The effects are dated (and kind've hilarious) but for a movie of this quality, they're ok.
The story's just meh. It's not very engaging. At least to me. It gets boring towards the middle. It's another by the numbers tv coming of age movie with aliens, and yet that still doesn't make it stand out in a good way. Given how this rarely aired on Disney Channel, I wouldn't be surprised why.
I'll say this, the aliens were interesting. They're what you'd expect in most kid's entertainment.
Aside from that, this movie's pretty skipable. If you want something crazy to laugh at, go ahead. But if you want something better put together that leaves more of an impact, you'll have to look elsewhere. Maybe even on another planet far away.
Blue Flame (1993)
Not even what I just watched.
I had no clue what was going on. The story was confusing and didn't make much sense at all. The acting was pretty bad. Everyone acts stiff and weird. It's hard to take anything they say or do seriously. Even Kerri Greene can't help this film. Nothing but sheer head scratching.
The story is basically a guy trying to find his missing who was kidnapped by two aliens "rain" and "fire" who are hell bent on tormenting him mentally. There's an android named Jack, who later helps him. Most of the time, he's just walking up and down a rough area and a few abandoned buildings and aside from weird dialogue, that's pretty much it.
That's also when things get bizarre.
The movie's already strange and laughable from the start, but as he gets closer to solving the mystery, it only leaves even more questions unanswered, and many of them are just ridiculous. I don't remember much, and maybe that's a good thing. It's pretty forgettable.
The dialogue is clunky, is has everything you'd hear from a typically bad low-budget 80/90's movie. When the characters try to explain their logic, it just raises so many eyebrows. How did his daughter rapidly age, why don't they pick someone else? Why didn't he kill them? Stuff like that is just so mind boggling, all you can do is laugh.
The characters are pretty weird too. I know it's an apocalyptic sci-fi movie, but I still couldn't get into it. The main guy, a former cop, is hard to take seriously at times. Rain is always horny, even when there's no reason to be. Apparently his daughter learned that from her too. He must've went to a gay bar in one scene, because I kid you not, the owner and bartender are wearing a dress and chains. It's actually pretty funny.
The settings aren't that interesting. His mind and dreams are kind've cool, but the editing is so random that it's hard to follow. It cuts quickly before you can grasp what's going on.
Since this's a bad movie, I'll just tell you the ending: he gets his daughter back after she goes back in time to kill Fire. This's after he's reunited with his wife on a beach. I know that he says goodbye to his grownup daughter but what happens between those two scenes, I forgot. And frankly, that's ok. Not worth revisiting.
This movie had an interesting idea, but man, it done so poorly. I'm not sure what the director had in mind, or what he was going through, but this was a hazy, even trippy experience. So far, this's his only directing credit. As for Green, her recent film is Complacent. The rest of the actors, I don't know what else they do.
If you want something you can laugh at and/or get high with, this's for you. Anyone wanting a good or at least decent sci-fi film will have to look elsewhere. This isn't worth the journey.
Muppets Haunted Mansion (2021)
It's fine for what it is
It's not going to win an award anytime soon, but for what we get, it's harmless entertainment. It's interesting to see Gonzo and Pepe as the main stars rather than the usual Kermit. Speaking of the latter, I'm not a fan of his new voice. While I understand why Steve Whitmire was replaced, this still doesn't make the frog's new voice any better (not that it's Matt Voight's fault).
Anyway, the two spend a night at the title location in hopes of meeting a magician (Will Arnett). Despite the warnings of their cab driver, they take the bet. Amazingly, Gonzo's the least scared. Then again, he's an eccentric. The two have to endure whatever the mansion throws at them.
Honestly, it's not that bad. It's not great, but it's also not awful. I like the Muppets, so usually their content is good (usually). The cameos were pretty good. Taraji P. Henson as The Bride was a unique edition. You know what's going to happen, yet you just sit back and let it play out.
While it's mostly for kids, some of the choices were still pretty dumb. Even when it was obvious what the bride was intending to do, Pepe was still head over heels for her. A hopeless romantic. The only good scare was when John Stamos revealed his "real" face to Pepe.
The songs were ok. They're good enough to keep your attention.
The scenes that were funny were actually funny. That running gag with the two ghouls missing their cue got some laughs from me.
If you're a muppets fan, have little kids or both, you may actually enjoy this special.
The Black Cauldron (1985)
It's meh
It's not as bad as everyone loves to claim, but it's not their best. It's not even that dark either. That said I will admit it is a nice change of pace from their usual setup. The author himself admitted it has little to do with his series. As a standalone, it's ok. I doubt kids will really be spooked at all.
The characters are bland. Taran's really cocky and angsty, which can get annoying. I get why, but it's still annoying. At least he matures towards the end (quickly actually, his voice changes midway through the story). Princess Eilonwy's more or less the typical damsel-in-distress. She's helpful, but also whiny and a bit conceited. At least she knows her faults.
Flewderflan is the typical bumbling comic relief. It's funny how his harp breaks a string every time he lies. Almost like Pinocchio's nose.
Hen wen's the cute pig who has a prophetic ability. She doesn't get much screen time despite being an important character.
Then there's Gurgi. Looks a bipedal dog with a raspy voice. He's not the most annoying character, but the movie could definitely do without him. Too bad his sacrifice was kind've in vain a way.
Finally, there's the horned king. He might just be best character out of them all. He's somewhat intimidating. His minion, Creeper, is slightly sympathetic.
The action scenes are brief and kind've underwhelming. It would've been cool if Taran became more comfortable wielding as the movie progressed. But no, it's gone shortly to be traded. Understandable, but still.
The dialogue's ok. It's honestly forgettable. Nothing really stood out to me.
If this were remade or expanded on based on the actual source material, I'd actually watch it. As a standalone, it's ok. If you're that interested, check it out then.
Demon Hunter (2005)
It wasn't good
It wasn't awful, far from it as there were definitely some unintentionally hilarious scenes here and there. That said, it wasn't a good movie. The dialogue is mostly clunky, the effects are laughable (as are the fight scenes), and the characters are pretty forgettable.
The main hero is a douche. I get why he's cynical, but that still doesn't make it easy to really get behind him and his mission. Sara starts out as the voice of reason before literally turning into a demoness herself. Talk about a whole 180.
As for the villain, he was creepy. His succubus was ok. That's all
Just skip this movie.
The Neverending Story (1984)
Timeless
Having never read the book (yet being aware that it only adapted half of the source material in case you're wondering), I can say that this's a good story anyone can enjoy, and one that you can return to again and again (unlike the sequels).
The world is very unique. Strange humanoids and other creatures inhabit this domain contained within the titular book. Our main character's Bastion, a smart, yet lonely kid who takes refuge in one of the rooms in his school to escape from some bullies earlier. Along the way, he snags a mysterious book from a book store, despite the owner's warning.
From there, things begin to get strange as the further he reads the more intertwined his world and the book's becomes. The hero in the book is Atreyu. A young warrior sent on a quest to find a way to repel the evil entity, the nothing. As if that's not enough, he has to stay a step ahead of its wolf-like minion. The journey obviously isn't easy, but through trials and tribulations he success and gets closer to his goal.
The movie's interesting in that as fantasies go, it's less about swords and magic and more about , dialogue, believing in oneself, confidence, and perseverance through tough times. It's ridiculous Atreyu had to leave behind his weapons at the start, but maybe that was the point: the greatest tool to succeed is yourself. This couldn't be proven better than his interactions with some of the characters. Many of whom are "wise", yet show indifference or even lack of knowledge to his plight and the current situation.
The two boys are likable and easy to get behind. Bastion doesn't want to be bullied, Atreyu wants to save his world, they both want to say things through at the end. Totally believable. I also feel bad how little the formers father understands him. He's clearly successful, yet so wrapped up in his work that he doesn't really see his son at his level. It's sad when you think about it.
The effects are very hot or miss. Some of the customers and practical effects still look pretty good. They provide the necessary surreal feel to the world. The inhabitants themselves are pretty strange. The characters at the beginning, you'd think they'd play a bigger role, even join our heroes on their quest, but nope. After they provide exposition, they're pretty much thrown away. They're not seen again until the end.
On the other hand, some of them are pretty laughable. Valcor, the wish dragon, not only looks goofy when he flies, but is also just creepy in general. He does save the little warrior and tends to his wounds, making him a great friend, I just found his demeanor often rubbed me the wrong way (at least he helps bastion get revenge on the bullies in the end). Some of the animatronics are pretty stiff. Particularly the beast Atreyu kills while exploring the ruins.
I also like when Bastion's shocked as he realizes more and more that the story now depends on him. The scene where he finally meets the empress and helps restore the land was really powerful. I also liked when he saw the main characters while flying on Valcor. It would've been cool if he interacted with them more, though.
Even with these nitpicks, The Neverending Story is an engaging film I think anyone can enjoy. It has great dialogue, cinematography, interesting characters, and a pretty deep story. Even if you grew up watching this, I highly recommend you check it out again. It's a shame the author never liked the movie, though, understandable as it may be, it still stands on its own well.
Operações Especiais (2015)
A riveting police thriller
I have to admit, the ending was rather abrupt, it almost seemed it was a set up for a sequel. Nitpick aside, I thought that was good movie. The main character's someone you can easily get behind. She's strong, isn't perfect but does get better as the movie progresses, and is pretty professional. She becomes pretty damn good at her job.
It's amazing what her co-Worker's put her through. No shortage is sexism in the office. Thankfully, they do come around, and one guy who was rooting for her the whole time, proves to be an invaluable friend.
The action scenes are pretty cool. It really feels like you're in the middle of the chaos. There're a lot of first-person views during the shootouts. They really capture the gritty feel of the hood.
As for the rest of the characters, they're pretty good too. Some are funny, a few are one note, but for the most part, the important ones are pretty well defined.
If you like movies in Portuguese and police dramas/action, then, this's for you.
Andið eðlilega (2018)
Slow paced and heartfelt
As dramas go, this's well done. Yes, it has what you'd expect in these kinds of films: Long, quiet scenes often with characters staring at vast areas where they are, dialogue that probably didn't need to be said but was just to make it interesting, and the characters doing questionable things to further the plot.
The movie has those moments, but regardless, I enjoyed it.
I thought the relationship between the two main women was believable. They don't talk much to each other but you can tell they have a nice rapport, and in such a short amount of time. It's sad what they have to go through. Ones a struggling mom while the other's a refugee trying to get to Canada.
Their lives become intertwined and become enriched as a result.
I've always been fascinated with Iceland and the language itself, and seeing the landscape only interests me even more. Sure is cold, though.
I don't have much else to say other than it was well-paced. The story flow felt natural, the acting was pretty good from the cast, and the shots were nice to look at.
If you like foreign media, check this movie out then.
My Girl 2 (1994)
Fine for what it
It may not be one of the best, but as is, it's ok. It does what a sequel's supposed to do: develop the characters more, show a side we haven't seen already, and most importantly, further the plot. All of which it does well. It may not be great, but it's still entertaining. What pulls it through is the main character herself (Anna Chlumsky). She's matured a lot sense then, and her journey is interesting. You want to see her succeed. For her, this's like finding the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow.
Both the journey and the goal matter.
The side characters are interesting too. Especially with what they have to say about her mom.
If you liked the first one, check out the sequel. It's worth it.
Don't Look Up (2021)
One of the funniest comedies I've seen in a while.
I haven't seen a movie this hilarious and biting sense Team America: World Police. I don't know how, but everything comes together. The ensemble cast work well off each other. Even the celeb cameos fit well. The timing and commentary are well done. I can't tell you how many times I laughed; at the very least chuckle.
This's a good example of commentary done well. Yes, it hits on the head with it, but given where we are as a society, maybe it should be. It seems no matter how obvious the message is, it's not clear enough to some. Sometimes, you just have to bring out the sledgehammer even to get you point across.
This comedy is out of this world. Literally.
La Reina de Indias y el Conquistador (2020)
Enjoyable historical fiction
If you like telenovelas, this's for you. Catalina and Pedro's relationship is pretty believable as are the hurdles they have to jump over in order to remain together. I've only seen a few episodes and yet I'm already hooked. They're pretty good. Then again, I like watching stuff in Spanish and this show delivers.
If you like compelling love stories (heartbreaks too), this's for you.
Rita (2012)
Has a great balance of comedy and drama
The title character is always fun to watch. It's amazing what she gets herself into daily. Her life is very complicated to say the least. She looks out for her students, yet has trouble with her own. That's pretty compelling and interesting to view. I'm also a sucker for Danish-language media, so I had to watch this.
We're also introduced to Jördis (Lise Baastrup). Her naive friend that navigates being a teacher at her job. If you've seen the spin-off you'll know she's a great character in her own right.
The characters feel realistic. They're not cardboard cutouts you've seen over and over again, they really have a level of gravitas that makes them interesting to watch.
I especially like the theme song by "Oh Land". Definitely recommend you listen to it in its entirety.
Rita's a great show to view. Especially if you're interested in learning Danish or untested in Denmark. Definitely check it out.
Chosen (2022)
Good ideas, but still a working progress.
So far, this's an interesting story. I like watching shows from Denmark, so naturally this was a must. The setting's a typical odd, yet boring town with a dark secret of some sort. The main character is Emma. She's the odd woman out, the one who doesn't feel like she fits in.
A series of events leads her to question the truth about the meteor that fell in her town and put it on the map as a tourist attraction. Slowly and slowly, the web begins to unravel the further down she goes. As she investigates more, she comes across a group also skeptical about the meteor and it's origins.
They reluctantly team up as they try to find the truth behind their town as well as the shady people that have been all of a sudden been popping up.
As I said before, there're some interesting ideas, however, I feel like they're not developed enough. In fact, several things about the show feel unfinished; mainly the editing and motives of the main characters. Despite them wanting to find the "truth", how they go about it varies and they often butt heads with each other. I feel like there're so many scenes that were cut short, thus ruining the pacing and possibly omitting important details.
As for the characters, Emma's the only one I can really get behind. She seems more realistic, the most fleshed-out. She doesn't always do the right thing, she says whatever she wants and isn't afraid to make waves if she feels it's necessary. She also sleeps around a bit which's a bit jarring. Her and her girlfriend who thinks she's a vampiress, have a unique relationship. They're the only ones that feel genuine.
The rest? Not so much.
When they come together to share what they've learned, Emma often tries to explain to them what she saw, but gets shot down by the guy in the wheelchair (who's already a sketchy figure anyway). When she is given a chance to speak up, she's so fed up that she usually storms out. That's the cycle that goes on between them, and it's infuriating. They literally turn on each other a few times in the course of the first season. I feel like this drama all could've been avoided had they just listened to her.
I won't give away the twist at the end, but it's pretty good. One thing I find strange is that he father's never mentioned.
I hope there's a second season, because this show has potential. Should that happen, maybe it'll clear up some of he questions we probably all have. Especially after the cliffhanger.
If you like Danish-media and Sci-fi, I'd say check it out.
El camino de Xico (2020)
A cute, yet exciting film
This's something kids will enjoy. It has an easy to follow story with fairly likable (if bland) characters. If you're looking for Spanish-language content, this's for you. The animation's pretty good, the story flows well, and the characters are pretty likable.
I'd say check it out.
Todas las pecas del mundo (2019)
I liked it
I'm always on the lookout for Spanish media, so naturally I found this. And watching it, I liked it. Does it.lag on at times? Sometimes, but for the most part, I was engaged. The male lead's pretty good. Very believable as a typical kid trying to survive school as well as get the attention of his crush, unaware that his new friend likes him.
The movie's unique in that it breaks the typical tropes we all know when it comes to these coming-of-age school movies. What are they you ask? Watch and see for yourself.
Modo Avião (2020)
It was fine
I'm not sure what everyone was complaining about. I'm not a native Portuguese speaker, so maybe I'm missing something. I thought it was fine. Cliched? Probably. But for what it is, I thought it was decent. It was well-acted, the story moved pretty good, and all around, it was heartfelt.
If you're trying to learn Portuguese or have kids, watch it. I think you'll enjoy it.
The Trader (2018)
Short yet still leaves an impact
It's almost 30 minutes long, yet it doesn't feel rushed in what it's trying to say. There's no voice-over narration, just an occasional piano piece and dialogue between the vender and the villagers and a few interviews from both sides. It's sad to see them living in utter poverty, where potatoes are not just currency, but everything. Many have few prospects.
One man, when interviewed, claimed he wanted an education. Sadly, that was unattainable. Later, he can be heard saying if he could he'd drive away from this village.
The kids that run around the village are adorable. It's nice to see them have fun. You can't help but smile at their innocence. As for the man, he still manages to smile-despite his rough life.
Given Georgia's history, it has come a long way and it still has ways to go. As many other countries do.
Just watching this really puts into perspective how much worse things are for some people and how they could be for you. It really makes you appreciate the things you have more, both little and big.
I'd definitely check this out. It's short, yet poignant and direct.
Der kommer en dag (2016)
One of the best dramas I've seen
Based on a true story. This miniseries had some of the best acting I've ever seen. The two boys really carried this story from beginning to end. It's really sad reading what happened to the actual victims and I dare to say this movie captures the fear and oppression that was common at that horrendous orphanage.
You really feel for this kids, particularly the leads Erik and Elmer. I definitely recommend you check this miniseries out.
Sixpence None the Richer: Breathe Your Name (2002)
An ok video to match a very catchy song
The music video for this song is best described as surreal. Frontwoman, Leigh Nash appears in what appears to be an abandoned house with circus performers. The music plays as the camera pans in and out of the random occurrences as Nash sings.
As mentioned, the video has a surreal dream-like feel to it. Things move slow, nothing makes sense, all of it looks like something you'd see in a dream.
It may not be a must watch, but it's interesting to view nonetheless.
My Girl (1991)
A heartfelt classic
Not sure what the critics were so hung up about on this. Because, like many agree, I think this's a heartfelt classic. Anna Chlumsky stars as intelligent and quirky Vada. She lives with her dad (Dan Ankroyed) who doesn't understand her so, as a consequence often ignores her.
Most of the film centers around her hanging out with her friend (Macaulay Caulkin) who's "allergic to everything". They ride bikes and try to figure out life at such a young age. I think it's adorable. It's kids being kids and I think it's a pretty good depiction of that.
The dialogue is funny. It's pretty clever at times. The scenes where they're just being kids were the best.
The paving's slow; almost relaxing like the summer it's set in.
I don't really have much to say other than it's a great, heartwarming film. The critics didn't think much, but for what it is, it's quite the charmer. Anna Chlumsky really Carrie's this film. She's a great lead. Id say check it out if you get the chance.
Bunny (1998)
Nice for what it is
It was an interesting shirt to watch. There's not much to really say other than it's about a widowed rabbit who finds herself bothered by a moth while she's baking a cake. The short focuses on her attempts to rid from her house while also giving insight on her past.
I've read some people found it scary or haunting. But for me, I never got that vibe. I will say the render for the main character hasn't aged well and does look eerie, but that's about it. Nitpick aside, it's an ok short.
I won't give away the ending, but it's pretty interesting to say the least. If you have kids and are interested, check it out. It's worth a watch.
Confissões de uma Garota Excluída (2021)
I enjoyed it
I thought it was pretty good. Not sure what everyone else was saying. Maybe I'm bias because I'm learning Portuguese. Regardless, I enjoyed it.
I thought Tete was sweet girl. Awkward but likable and organic. Her friends too. It was a little cliched, but it still mostly flowed well in terms of the story. Her parents were terrible. It's amazing how misguided their help was for their daughter. Particularly the grandma-who was funny, and supportive, yet still oblivious like the rest.
As for the boyfriend, the scene where. Tete went off on him didn't make a lot of sense. She claims he cares about no one but himself, yet, his actions say otherwise. As for the mean girl, she was the typical mean girl, though they did go into why she was nasty.
The ending was nice though it wrapped up too all. They all kumbyad at the beach like besties.
Nitpicks aside, I liked it. If you have little kids or are looking for something in Portuguese, check this out.
Ah-ga-ssi (2016)
Quite an interesting movie
The was very engaging. It's eroticism, way of storytelling, and characters really pull this movie forward. Even with its three hour runtime, you still want to see the end. The main trio are interesting. They definitely go through ups and downs. While the story has been told over and over, what pulls through are the actors and the writing. The relationship between the two women feels natural.
The sex of course was really good. It wasn't just fan service, it's there for a reason: to further their bond and of course the story.
Anyone wanting to view this, be warned, it can get bizarre and really disturbing at times.
Even so, this was an interesting movie. One I recommend for anyone who likes love triangles, historical dramas, and crime. I'd say check it out if that's the case.
La pequeña Suiza (2019)
It was pretty funny
I thought it was a good comedy. The main cast works well off each other and the gags are well timed. The dialogue too. The relationships between the cast is believable. You wanted to see them succeed, be it a bit ridiculous. I'd say check it out.