Sanford and Son (1972–1978)
LaWanda Page: Aunt Esther Anderson
Photos
Quotes
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Aunt Esther : My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.
Fred Sanford : And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.
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Fred Sanford : Who is it?
Aunt Esther : It's Esther!
Fred Sanford : Esther who?
Aunt Esther : You know Esther who! Open this door fool!
Fred Sanford : I can't open the door!
Aunt Esther : Why not?
Fred Sanford : You too ugly!
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Aunt Esther : Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.
Fred Sanford : Well somebody better call the zoo.
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Aunt Esther : Who you calling ugly, sucker?
Fred Sanford : I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.
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Fred Sanford : On behalf of Elizabeth, would you care for something to eat?
Aunt Esther : Oh I wouldn't mind a little snack.
Fred Sanford : Son, go in the kitchen and fix your Aunt Esther a fish-head sandwich!
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Aunt Esther : Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
Fred Sanford : And this Louisville slugger will knock you out.
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Grady Wilson : She can't stay here, because there isn't any room.
Aunt Esther : That's what they told the baby Jesus but they found him a place.
Grady Wilson : Okay, I'll build you a little manger out in the back yard and get you some sheep to sleep with.
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Aunt Esther : The next time you see that creep Woodrow, you tell him his behind is grass... and I am the lawnmower.
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Fred Sanford : Goodbye, dear
Aunt Esther : Oh, you called me dear.
Fred Sanford : Why shouldn't I call you DEER? You look like Bambi's father!
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Aunt Esther : Fred Sanford why is it every time I come over to your house you call me ugly?
Fred Sanford : Because I'm not the type to lie.
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Grady Wilson : Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.
Aunt Esther : Oh he did huh?
Grady Wilson : Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.
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Aunt Esther : Fred Sanford, you have been sinning and transgressing all your life. If the Lord wanted to strike you down, he'll find ya. Even if you were going to Las Vegas.
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[Fred comes home drunk]
Aunt Esther : Fred Sanford, you just a messy fool.
Fred Sanford : And you just a sessy pool.
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Aunt Esther : Today is my lucky day.
Fred Sanford : Why? Did you look at yourself in the mirror and it didn't break?
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Aunt Esther : Watch it, sucka.
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[Esther sees Fred with a lollipop]
Aunt Esther : You just suck on that sucker, sucka.
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Aunt Esther : I cant believe it, you with a mop in your hand? Its about time you faced up to this mess.
Fred Sanford : Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face.
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Aunt Esther : What's wrong with my posture?
Fred Sanford : It's full of prune pits!
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Fred Sanford : [sees Esther in the Sanford Arms] No animals allowed in here.
Aunt Esther : Why you...
Mrs. Hopkins : [to Esther] Let me handle this.
Mrs. Hopkins : [to Fred] Watch it, sucka!
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Aunt Esther : You fish-eyed heathen.
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Aunt Esther : Fred, I need your help.
Fred Sanford : But, Esther, I'm a junkman, not a plastic surgeon.
Aunt Esther : But, Fred, I need your truck.
Fred Sanford : I agree. Son, take the truck and run over Esther's face.
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Aunt Esther : We're not going to have this baby like you had Lamont.
Fred Sanford : You gonna to have this baby on purpose?
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[repeated line]
Aunt Esther : Fish-eyed fool!
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Aunt Esther : Shut up, foo!
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Fred Sanford : Ester what are you doing here?
Aunt Esther : What do you mean what am I doing here?
Fred Sanford : Well Wolfwoman don't come out till there's a full moon.
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Aunt Esther : Now Fred
Fred Sanford : Yes Sir?
Aunt Esther : Your neice is in town.
Fred Sanford : What neice?
Aunt Esther : WHAT NEICE? YOU'R ONLY NEICE and she is here to go to college.
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Fred Sanford : I brought you somethin' too, Esther.
Aunt Esther : Why, that's nothing but a clear piece of plastic.
Fred Sanford : No, it ain't. Put it up to your face. That's your Hallowe'en mask.
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Lamont Sanford : Would you like a drink, Aunt Esther?
Fred Sanford : No, she wouldn't like a drink.
Aunt Esther : Why wouldn't I like a drink?
Fred Sanford : Because you *are* a drink... a Zombie.